The Lonestar State

We're heading out to UBJ's side of the country. We'll be in Houston on Sunday for (hopefully) some warm weather and sunshine! We're hoping to hit up Galveston for Mardi Gras on the 25th.

We've never been to Texas, so we're excited! Pics upon our safe return!

Available in what?!?

I was reading a magazine and it stated that a pair of shoes were available in "black" and "elephant".

What color is THAT?

Or is it a pattern?

Inquiring minds want to know.

The Joys of Motherhood...

I am a worrier.

When I was pregnant, I worried that I would miscarry.

When he was born, I worried that he would die of SIDS.

When he had colic, I worried that I would have a nervous breakdown.

The worry never ends.

My son experienced a lot of changes in 2010. My mother, who was his go-to person for 14 years - left. Moved out of state 12 hours away for another grandbaby.

His dad who stopped us from moving and swore he would step up to the plate and be the dad he was supposed to be...sold me another book of unkept promises.

I always had my mom to help out, be the 2nd parent when I needed to be in two places at once or needed to work late or had a function. Now I have just me.

He went from middle school to high school. Tough transition for a lot of kids I'm sure. But we also moved 30 miles from our hometown, away from neighborhood friends, away from our familiar places to go, away from the place he grew up.

His dad disappeared again. We know where he is - he just doesn't participate.

My son is fast approaching 15.

Now I worry that he will make the wrong choices.

I worry that he is depressed or sad or lonely.

I worry that he will decide it was just too much change to deal with all at one time and look for an escape.

I worry that his sudden lack of effort in school will stunt his growth as a person, creating a domino effect that will change his entire future.

I worry that I'm not going to get through to him until it's too late.

Motherhood is not for the weak-hearted.

Single motherhood of a 15 year old boy...

I'll tell you, this is why parents want grandkids so bad. They want to go back to the easy days when the biggest worry was running out of goldfish crackers or grape juice.

It's the biggest worry and the most joyful experience all at the same time. When he's happy, I'm happy.

I just wish I knew how to motivate him.

I Didn't Know

As I was catching up with old bloggers last night I discovered that our very beautiful, very talented and very beloved Nikki passed away over a year ago.

I still have tears running down my cheeks.

Nikki had a way of expressing herself that took you right into the room with her. She not only told the story, she brought the reader along for the ride.

My heartfelt condolences and prayers go out to Nikki's family and friends. The ones who knew her in real life and the ones who knew her as I did - here in the blogging world.

Rest in peace Ms. Nikki, we will always have a part of you right here with us, but you will most definitely be missed forever.

The One I Love

I was reading some of my old posts and ran across the one from my last "meeting" with the one I love in 2008. December 27, 2008. That was the last time I saw him. I spent most of 2009 alone until the very end of the year when my son's father returned to the picture. Didn't I tell you he always comes back when I am at my most vulnerable? Damn him. But this post isn't about him.

The one I love and I kept in contact over the last two years. We talked every now and again. One way or another one of us would find a reason to call at least every few months. He told me "you know you have a special place in my heart".

When I was with him I was in such a hurry. Hurry and commit, hurry and get married, hurry and have a baby, hurry hurry hurry. He's just not that kind of guy. I laugh at myself now when I look back at my life & how much I was doing back then; how did I ever manage to find the time to do anything!?! I felt intense pressure to finish school, get married, have a baby and at 35, I knew my years for getting the baby in were running out. It wasn't just about the baby. I wanted the family. The husband, the kids, the craziness. I wanted it all. And I wanted him to give it to me.

Fast forward two years. December 10, 2010. He came by the new place, stepped into my foyer, wrapped his arms around me, gave me a quick kiss and handed me a bottle of champagne. Happy housewarming he said. Welcome home, I thought. We sat on the couch and talked for nearly 4 hours. We talked about our accomplishments, changes in career paths, kids, life, future goals. It was relaxed, unrushed, low pressure, happy, warm and full of love. We laughed and laughed some more. And then we kissed.

My god this man knows how to love me. In our usual fashion the clothes started coming off on the couch in the living room and finished next to the bed. It's always a funny walk of shame through the house looking for tossed or flung articles of clothing the next day... lol.

He spent the night holding me in his arms, warming my soul, giving me peace, easing my mind and fulfulling my dreams. I... still love this man.

I'm taking it slow this time around. No pressure to put a label on it. No pressure to get married. No pressure to have kids. The response I have received in return has been encouraging. I still feel his love for me...I'm still working on becoming the woman who believes she is worthy of it.

MIA - A Year In Review

WOW. I cannot believe that it has been more than a year since I last posted. So much has been going on that I should have been writing about! So lets see if I have any followers that care.. lol.

2010 year in review:

Started to move out of state... my son's dad put the squash on that...he and I got back together for most of 2010...but it ended once again.

My son graduated from middle school and gave a graduation speech any parent would be proud of, I know I was!

I graduated from college with a Bachelor's in Business.

My son started high school at a private school about 30 miles from home which required us to move.

I had to short sell my house - a process that took nearly 7 months!

I moved...pretty much by the car-load over 7 months. lol.

I decided to kill the adoption plans. Once the kid got to high school I figured it was a done deal.

I joined e-harmony. Had 2 dates in 3 months. I won't be renewing... lol.

One moved out of state within a week of our date.... The other one was clearly in denial that he is gay. But he was definitely something pretty to look at :)

My very first nephew was born and I love him soooo much. He lives out of state, the first time he left after a visit I cried for an hour :(

Haven't been running at all. Just bought some new running shoes last week. Once the snow is down to a tolerable level, I'm going! 5k or die this year!

Pretty much put myself in financial ruin with this move, the sale of the house and paying for private school tuition...and books...and uniforms...and everything else that isn't included in the crazy tuition prices.

I have a plan to get back on the financial freedom train. I always do ;)

I'm happier now that school is done. I love having free time.

We're going on a real vacation over mid-winter break for the first time since 2009. And no homework!

I'm excited to catch up with all my blogger peeps. Can't wait to reconnect! I missed you all!

1st Stop... Amsterdam

The good news is that I survived the first semester of full-time classes to go along with full-time work and full-time parenting, and now I am on a week break before the next semester starts.
I have missed reading all of my favorite blogs, but caught up on a few today. Only 2 more semesters to go~

This summer I went on my first trip out of the country to Europe and had a great time!
The first stop... Amsterdam!

Amsterdam was beautiful, inviting, friendly and had great buildings. I took a million pictures, ok really like 800... there was so much to see ~

Amsterdam is a city where the main mode of transportation is bicycle. You could easily spot the locals from the tourists as they were the ones cycling 25-30 mph one-handed while talking on a cell phone and smoking a cigarette, lol. And they will run you over.

After I got accustomed to staying in the 4 inches of space between the bike path and the road (the pedestrian walkway), my life expectancy increased ten-fold... as you can probably tell, I made it back alive and have no tire track scars.


Due to all of the canals, there are many house boats in Amsterdam. This one can be your for the low low price of $635,000 Euro. Yeah... I can't afford it either!

....And mini cars - lots and lots of mini cars...

The flower market was gorgeous, the scent was amazing. I did manage to find some U.S. approved tulips to bring home. I can't wait to see them next spring!

And in case you were wondering... yep you can buy that too!

Am I the only one that didn't know that this is why X-rated films are X-rated (XXX) at all? LOL It took me a minute to figure it out.. sometimes I can be really slow!

There were bikes EVERYWHERE. Broken bikes, decorated bikes, rusty bikes, bikes with words, bikes with baskets, bikes with trailers and even bikes with barnacles that had been fished out of the sea...

There were groups of these little birds with really cool feet..

I Amsterdam!

This isn't really a tree, it's ivy growing on the side of a building that is made to look like a tree with branches.

I hope you enjoyed your mini tour of Amsterdam - Next stop Munich, Germany

What's Happening People

Just wanted to check in, it's been a while since I posted. So what have I been doing the last 30 days?...

Went and spent some time at my friends summer house on the lake. It was beautiful and quiet and relaxing. I forgot my camera...
Got ready for our trip to Europe.
Went to Europe with my father & son. (Some pics coming if you're interested)
Came back from Europe to a shitload of work at work.
Staying busy before it's back to school for me. Some girlfriends and I went to see Bobby Brown, Ralph Tresvant and Johnny Gill.. Johnny is still sexy.. Bobby is gross and Ralph is too damn skinny. Bobby looked like he was going to keel over on the spot. He blamed it on the baby weight - (someone recently reproduced with him, eeew.)

It's been a year since I was certified to become an adoptive parent so now I have to re certify which takes a lot of running around.

My son and his never-ending sports. 4 basketball teams, cross-country, soccer, football, etc. Basketball ended on Friday, football started on Monday. He's on varsity this year, his confidence is up and he said the coaches are giving him the nod. He looked good running drills yesterday. I'm proud of my kid, but sometimes he loses confidence in himself and doesn't have anyone to push/pull him out of that mindset. I try, but I'm just his mom. I hope he keeps his confidence up and becomes the superstar I know he is capable of being. He has the height, the build and the ability to do great things. He just needs the mental part.

His dad hasn't called in at least 40 days. Asshole.

As of August 6th I will be in school full-time. I have 9 classes left. If all goes well taking 2 classes at a time (2 classes are considered full-time because they are accelerated, all the work in 1/2 the time) then I will be all done at the end of the Winter semester. Hallelujah!

I'll be around, reading when I have the chance, posting when I need to vent or have something to share, but likely often MIA like I have been the last month. It's not that I don't love you, I just need to sleep sometime.. ;)

I.O.U.S.A

http://www.pgpf.org/

Father of the Year?

29 year-old Desmond Hatchett (reportedly the father of 21 children by 11 different women), has found himself in court recently for failure to pay child support. If that weren't tragic enough, Mr. Hatchett said "I had four kids in the same year. Twice" But while he can't support them, he can remember their names, ages and dates of birth, and stated that all of the women knew about his large family - wonder if 4 of them knew they were all pregnant at the same time. Twice.

So blogger fam, what say you on Desmond Hatchett's "unintentional" family of 21 (so far) - should he be forced to have a vascectomy? Should he be allowed to keep procreating children he cannot support? What do you think about the women that have allowed this man to father their children (especially the later ones that presumably knew about the kids already born)? Octo-mom got a lot of flack for having 14 kids she cannot afford, but Octo-Mel (Mel Gibson) who is about to have his 8th child with his girlfriend definitely has enough money to support 8 kids. Is it ok to have a bunch of kids if you can afford them?

FUCK YOU!

I was visiting The Angry African, and yes, he is very, very angry today. And I am angry along with him. I second everything he said, and I will give you a little more.

When a man and woman go to the beach and get married, they call it marriage. When a man and a woman go get drunk in Vegas and get married by Elvis, they call it marriage. When a man and a woman go to the city clerks office to get married, they call it marriage. FUCK YOU! to the folks that think marriage is a religious event. It's not, so get over it. EVERYONE should have the right to get married to another consenting adult regardless of gender. And FUCK your civil union bullshit too.

In Memorium

He was my brother's best friend. Short, funny, loving, friendly, honorable. He was the oldest of three, two loving parents, younger brother and sister. I was about 16 or so the first time he hit on me, lol. He never stopped hitting on me after that, but I just thought of him as a second brother, I loved him, just not in the way he wanted.

When I was pregnant I went to visit him and his wife and new baby. He spent an hour rubbing my swollen belly because he just loved pregnancy and feeling a new life start. I think he just liked having an excuse to touch me for an hour, lol.

At his funeral I cried for his family, his friends, his children, his disease, his broken spirit, the war that ended but never left his soul.

They buried him in his uniform. I left him a note in his pocket to read on the other side.

To my second brother who served in the Gulf and also my uncle who served in Vietnam, I remember you this Memorial day and every day. Thank you for loving me and doing your best to protect us all.

There might be some truth...

I was over at GirlCas's page, she saw a Colorgenics result on someone else's page, I saw it on hers and here we are. I just got done writing my Annoyed post, so I took the Colorgenics test and here's the result:

Name: RunningMom
Date: 5/17/2009
Colorgenics Number: 32415607

---

You are tending to pursue your objectives with concentrated intensity and it would seem that whatever obstacles may come into your path, you will stick to your guns and will not allow yourself to be deflected from your purpose. You are striving to achieve recognition and what is more - you deserve it.

Most people are conditioned by their environment and you are no exception. You are an extremely emotional person - so much so that 'the wrong word' can lead you to tears. You feel other people's pain. You feel the need of sympathetic relationships and a pleasant work environment in order to develop and grow. You are an impulsive, loving individual with a great deal of inherent feeling.

Being a very proud individual, you tend to hold yourself aloof pretending that you are stoical - indifferent to pain and pleasure. This is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional individual, one that may make a hasty decision and perhaps regret it at leisure. It is time now to break the bond of detachment and be the 'you' that you would like to be - give vent to your emotions and enjoy yourself.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way and to get on in the world simply by your hard work and determination.

Yep. I agree.

Annoyed.

I got invited to a single mom's group through one of my friends. This group meets once a month at the church she attends and does something fun. Today we had a little food, a little pampering (the Mary Kay lady came and did hand treatments and facials) and we had a lot of laughs, a lot! It took us more than 3 hours to get through something that should have taken 30 minutes because we were having so much fun.

Here's the thing... I don't go to church because in my experience, pastors, preachers, deacons, ministers, whatever you want to call them - are hypocrites. In fact, many people in the church are hypocritical. I can't deal with it and still feel like I can like you the next day. In addition, I also feel like a lot of what is in the bible was based on who had the power, who wanted the power and what were they willing to do or say to get the power. So because of that, I'm just not one of the "believers" that's going to say, well the bible said... and live my life according to someone elses interpretation of what that means. I can't do it. I'm comfortable with a lot of things in the church, but if I feel like I'm being manipulated or worked over - I'm OUT.

So anyway... we're having a good 'ol time laughing, cracking jokes, etc. till someone starts talking about Tyler Perry. Lawd, why do we have to keep talking about this man. Leave him be! So one lady says something about TP, and another chimes in about him being gay, and another chimes in about him being engaged to a model. And I'm like - dude is gay, if the gay's say he is gay, and the gay's do say he is gay, then dude is gay. Folks just need to leave him alone and let him be who he is.

OMG, all eyes on me. So, they say - he just needs to pray on it and God will fix his gayness. God will fix it if only he prays to be "healed" - WHAT!?!?! All these ladies could tell by the look on my face that I was not falling for it. I said, um no - if the dude is gay, he's gay, or bi-sexual even but still gay, end of story. So, they say - you don't think that God can heal his gayness through prayer? Um no - I said: "no, I do not think that prayer or God can ultimately change the true sexuality of anyone, I don't." To which one lady replied "well then if you don't believe that, then you don't believe that God can do all things, be all things and heal all things"

Ok - lets just talk about that for a second. I believe in a higher power. I believe in prayer, I believe in the power of good intention, I believe that we are all destined for another life in another place in a different level of consiousness. I believe in a lot of things. I don't believe that homosexuals need to be "fixed" - WTF? I don't believe that homosexuality is wrong. I don't believe that homosexuals need prayer or healing or anything else that would be used to change who they are as it relates to their choice of partner regardless of gender. I don't. There isn't any thing to fix. (I thought all of this in my head..not out loud)

So then the lady says, "well then I will pray for you to believe that he can" - to which I replied "great, I'll let you know if it works" LOL!

She was caught off guard by that for sure. But she appreciated my honesty - or so she said. We were still having a good time talking and discussing and bantering back and forth but I know that I lit a little fire in a few of those folks. It's all good. I gave them something to think about which probably doesn't happen too often.

I can't be part of the flock. I can't believe all of what they believe, I can't agree with many things that "the bible" says. I just can't. I'm annoyed because all of my life I have fought for things that others dismiss. All of my life my thought process has gone outside of the norm and into realms that should be unknown to me but aren't. I'm annoyed because sometimes I feel like I am missing the weight that secures me to a community, a church, a home, a family, a confidant. I'm annoyed because I feel like I can only share my thoughts if I am willing to be the odd (wo)man out.

I'm annoyed because my separation feels like a curse when I know that it's a blessing. I am part of the higher power, I am part of the enlightenment, I am one of many that can share a different view point and get you to think. Sometimes I think ignorance is bliss. How simple it must be to KNOW that God is the truth and everything in him will be. To accept it, to know it, to feel it, to live it. Life must be wonderful under that umbrella.

But I can't get under, I won't get under. I need to make sure that I can feel the rain on my face, and the cool water on my skin. It's how I know I'm still alive. Me. It's who I am.

Think I'll get invited back?

Never Say Never?

Did I say I would never get another piercing? I think I said I would never get another tattoo.... the piercing is a definite maybe after seeing these pics... HOT!

Rihanna's rings are ok...

But Cassie's barbell's are fabulous!

Hmmm.......

Only 1

Only 1 person in my life knows about this blog. Due to his movie obsession we'll call him Net.flix. Obviously I trust Net.flix immensely. I know for a fact he can keep a secret, but that's another story for another day, lol.

I surprised Net.flix with my 1 out of 4 post. In case anyone is wondering, 1 out of 4 was the statistic last I heard, of women will be raped in their lifetime. 1 out of 4. Let that marinate for a second. How many women do you have in your family? How many sisters? How many daughters? How many aunties? How many friends? 1 out of 4.

How many women have you dated in your lifetime? If it's more than 4, then likely one of them has been raped.

There was an interesting article in the NYTimes Online shortly after I wrote my post. Here is a link and a excerpt that moved me:

Click for original article by Nicholas D. Kristof

“The criminal justice system is still ill equipped to deal with rape and not that good at moving rape cases forward,” notes Sarah Tofte, who just wrote a devastating report for Human Rights Watch about the rape-kit backlog. The report found that in Los Angeles County, there were at last count 12,669 rape kits sitting in police storage facilities. More than 450 of these kits had sat around for more than 10 years, and in many cases, the statute of limitations had expired.

There are no good national figures, and one measure of the indifference is that no one even bothers to count the number of rape kits sitting around untested.

Why don’t police departments treat rape kits with urgency? One reason is probably expense — each kit can cost up to $1,500 to test — but there also seems to be a broad distaste for rape cases as murky, ambiguous and difficult to prosecute, particularly when they involve (as they often do) alcohol or acquaintance rape.

“They talk about the victims’ credibility in a way that they don’t talk about the credibility of victims of other crimes,” Ms. Tofte said.

Net.flix and I were talking today and he said that he never knew this story. In the 8 years he has known me, he never knew that I had been raped. It certainly wasn't a secret, I have told people in my life, just never with this amount of detail, never with the admission of the guilt that I felt. Only that it happened, and I moved on. It got me to thinking about the people that read my blog, the men that read, the women that read. We have all been touched by shame or guilt in one form or another in our lives. You just might not know it. Hug the women in your life and let them know that they are loved unconditionally.

I can't even being to explain the relief that I felt in my heart after I got this story out of my body. Have you ever noticed that when you really go after something, things start to fall into place almost effortlessly? "For every action there is an equal reaction" but without action, there is nothing.

I heard Dr. Maya Angelou speaking on the radio the other day. She said that she doesn't allow words of hate to be spoken in her home. She doesn't allow people to disparage the character of others in her home. Dr. Angelou believes that words are physical. When you speak hate in your home or allow hate to be spoken in your home the words land on the table. The more hate, the more words accumulate... on the walls... in your clothes.... in your bed... pretty soon the hate begins to stick to your skin and get into your bones. Then it gets into your heart.

I want my heart to be free to love instead of fear. I want Net.flix to know how much I appreciate him as my friend, even though I know that he thinks he isn't deserving. True friends love without judgement, speak without malice, share without fear, trust without wavering.

LOL - No words necessary!

1 out of 4

I walked down the hall and heard manly laughter coming out of his room. I glanced in as I walked by, embarrassed by the anal sex porn on the TV as 10 guys sat in a semi-circle around it watching, laughing, "hey you want to come in?" they laughed. I admit I was curious. Is this what men do? They watch anal sex for fun? Why? It's gross, who would do that? Why would they do that? Does it hurt? Wouldn't it? Or... maybe it doesn't...

Hey, you want to go with me to this party? I had to check to make sure he was talking to me. He was tall, muscular, played hockey for the college. He had been seen on campus with a few different girls. Some black, some white, some other, all tall, all beautiful, unlike me. At 5'3" I barely came up to his shoulder. I was "cute" not beautiful. I was 17, not sophisticated. I wore glasses and I was overweight. Why was he talking to me? "Sure" was my reply.

We walked from our dorm to the party. No cars allowed on campus for freshman. It was a nice night anyway. Well into fall when you get a few nice Indian Summer days, the air in the country was clean and smelled like fresh cut wood and smoke from bonfires. We got to the party and met up with some other people. He knew more of them than I did. I was shy, embarrassed. I didn't know if he really liked me or if somehow I was the joke of the day, a trick, a dare.

You ready to go? he asked... Yes. I had a few drinks, was feeling the carefree, young-and-inspired, let-me-scream-out-to-the-world-and-hear-the-world-answer-feeling of a young girl out on her own for the first time. I liked this boy. I wondered if he was going to kiss me or just walk me to my room and say goodnight.

Do you want to come to my room? he shyly asked. Um, sure. Ok but you have to be quiet, my roommate is sleeping on the bottom bunk. Come up to the top with me. I knew I didn't really want to be in his bed but we were in college in a 12 x 12 room with no real furniture except for the bed, the desks and a few folding chairs.

He climbed up ahead of me, straightening the sheets and pillows. Black satin sheets. Worn enough so they weren't slippery, but still soft. I climbed up the stairs, trying to be quiet so we didn't wake his roommate. Laughing, nervous, excited, naive. He kissed me with his soft full lips, god he was beautiful. What was he doing with me? He started to kiss my breasts, then lower. He removed my shirt, bra, pants, panties. I let him. I wanted him. I couldn't believe he wanted me too.

He flipped me over and lifted my hips. I felt him push against me. Wait, that's not the right... Wait! What are you doing? Don't! Stop! He held me down with his body weight, his left hand wrapped around both of my wrists, his arm pinning me to the bed. His legs heavy over mine, I tried to kick, I tried to roll him off of me, I couldn't move. He pressed my head into the pillow to muffle my cries as he pushed himself inside of me. Like the movie. Oh my god it's like the movie. He came inside of me as I screamed and cried, pain ripping through my body like I had never felt.

There was blood, cum and tears all mixed together in my head. You have to get him off of you. You have to get out! He passed out behind me. Shaking I climbed down the stairs and ran down the hall to my room. The roommate. Why didn't he hear my screams? Why didn't he get up and help me? Did he hear him rape me? Did he let him rape me and do nothing?

The shower was hot, burning against my skin on the outside like the shame was burning against my insides. As I crumpled to the floor in shock I felt his seed leak out of my bowels. He. Raped. Me.

The bruises on my wrists were visible the next day. Pain and shame were there too but unlike the bruises, they were invisible to everyone but me. I liked him. I drank with him. I got into his bed with him. I wanted to have sex with him. But not like that. NOT LIKE THAT! It's my fault. I did this. I saw them watch that video. I was curious and intrigued by what I saw. But wait. I said no. I SAID NO! I begged him to stop didn't I? Didn't I tell him to stop? Yes shame, yes guilt, yes pain, you begged him to stop.

Oh my god there he is. A girl on each arm. He's not beautiful, he's pathetic. He sees me. He pauses. "Are you ok, I am so sorry" he says. I feel the shame rise to my cheeks. He thinks it's ok. He thinks that what he did only deserved a simple apology as his two groupies hang on each word wondering why he is speaking to me, but not really caring.

I walked away without saying a word. I never said a word. I never ever said a word. And have since forgotten his name.

Go State, Go State!

Since I am from Michigan I will be a State fan today (OMG, it was such a GREAT game!)

... but on Monday, I'm rooting for North Carolina

Yep, We're Going!

Monday's Musings

I got a ticket a few weeks ago for "failure to stop leaving a private drive." There was no one around, the view from my work driveway is spectacular, you can see all the way down the road in both directions, I yielded, clear, go - there's also no STOP sign... none of that mattered though when the State Trooper did a u-turn in the middle of the street to pull me over. AssHat.

When I went for my first pre-hearing, the lobby was full of folks there for similar reasons. The deal? We'll waive your points if you pay the fine. Um no. I'm not paying it.

Ok, well you can schedule a hearing. Ok. It was a State Trooper who pulled you over, so he will likely be here. Ok.

Had my hearing this morning. I was all prepared with 8"x 10" photos of the driveway, distance and lack of stop sign. I figured I had a 50/50 shot. The trooper didn't show up. Case dismissed!
No points, no fine. Happy Monday for me.
----------------------------------------------------------

I missed my son while he was gone... I got a few things on my list done. I cleaned out his room and closet. Use a ton of Lysol wipes, dusted, vacuumed, organized, etc. I have a whole basket of clothes ready to donate to friends or goodwill.

I would have gone to the gym, but... a.) I have water on my knee, which hurts like hell, I can barely climb the stairs let alone go to yoga or go running.. and b.) I was quite depressed last week. Maybe more on that later, maybe not.
----------------------------------------------------------

Got a fabulous new pair of Anne Klein loafers from Over.stock today. Been hunting all over town for an appropriate replacement for the Franco Sarto loafers that my mom's puppy chewed. Took forever to find them, but it was worth the wait..
----------------------------------------------------------

Hey UBJ, just saw a commercial for the Verizon Hub! From your lips to mainstream America.
----------------------------------------------------------

Ok.. I think that's enough rambling for today. Have to go work on my Marketing Final...

Still Alive...

I'm still here!! Wrapped up my Algebra class at the end of last week. My final grade?



B- !!!



Thanks to everyone who offered prayer, support and a little bit of "quit your whining and get to work" - work I did, and it paid off. It isn't an 'A', but I will take it.

Yesterday I got my son off to D.C. for the week. He arrived safely and is hopefully having a great time. I sent him with my digital camera which may or may not have been a good idea.. lol. Guess I will find out on Friday!

I'm a little behind on my reading... UBJ has posted 5 times since I last logged on.... So I will be back later to read and hopefully post some more.

Have a great day!

RM

Emancipation: freeing someone from the control of another.

This week I threw my girlfriend an "emancipation party" ...she is getting a divorce and needed a little cheering up, some good drinks, good food and a "B.O.B."

That's a "battery operated boyfriend" for those of you not in the know.. They also have T.O.M. they have a different acronym for this one, but I like mine better... "The other man", lol.

So... I've always been a little uninhibited with my sexuality - I don't like to share, but I like to experiment and have fun, not afraid to try new things, laugh, make weird noises with my body, make good use of props and when there's no boyfriend (and even sometimes when there is) I like to have a good backup.

This girlfriend didn't own a vibrator. She had sex 4 times last year... and she was MARRIED! That's just crazy to me. I like my boyfriend/husband to be ok with the fact that I have a vibrator. I have been known to send text messages about what I'm doing to myself while he's away.. lol

Even if your man (or woman) is sexually satisfiying you, isn't it just more fun to play? I have a little bit of a collection... I got rid of a lot of things I had accumulated over the years (that was an interesting trash week!) But somethings are just a staple for a woman to have...

The bullet:

Good for clitoral stimulation... holding in your hand while playing with your mans balls during oral sex... stimulating his nipples... and if you are feeling really adventurous you can insert it into you prior to inserting him... however, please watch for loose wires.. lol.

The vibrator:

For you to use, or your man to use on you... my ex used to like to watch me....

Anyway! We had some margaritas, some good food, chocolate and fruit for dessert and lots of laughs with the sex toy lady. Most of us women have been to a "Pu.re Rom.ance" party... essentially a sex toy party for women only in your home. It's the new Tupp.erware party, lol.

So next time your gf or wife says she has a "girls-only" party to go to, slip her a $100 on the way out and she might just bring something home for you.....

Here's the newest member of my team:

What say you blogger fam? Toys or no toys?

Dreams... Updates.. Etc.

So I was reading blogs late last night and I had a dream about one of the authors. I woke up this morning thinking damn! I'm dreaming about a guy I have never met and never talked to. We were on a boat, on vacation - together. He was disappointed in me because I didn't meet his expectations. So I left. And woke up confused and pissed! I still have love for him though!

My dating life is nonexistant. I haven't seen or talked to the one I love. My son's father is still trying to get in my pants. I don't know if I finally grew up or just finally got over him, but he no longer turns me on. He tries and tries and tries and I'm just not interested. Yay for me, too bad for him.

Math is keeping me busy. I have been going to the tutor twice a week, doing all of my homework plus some extra, going to class, meeting with my study partner. A few of the sections I actually ENJOYED! Testing remains a problem for me... first test D-, second and third tests, C- on both. I guess I should feel good to some degree, most of my classmates failed the last test. I just have a few weeks left.. overall I have a 78% which is not acceptable to me, but I'm giving myself a "pass" on this one. I'm giving it my best, a 78% might be all I can do in 12 weeks.

Along with math I added another online class. Homework every day... arggh I can't wait to be done with school so I can have my life back. I decided to go full time for my last 12 classes. I want to be done by the end of this year. Working FT, going to school FT plus running a household and raising a teenage son by myself is a little hectic. Some days I feel like I have Altzheimers.

I was trying to remember the last name of my college boyfriend. I can't. I can remember his best friends last name... but not his.

Has anyone noticed that our youth have decided that nothing is plural or possessive anymore? "Are you at your grandma house?"... "He on my football team"..."We going to play basketball at Joe house"... That gets on my nerves! At what point did this start happening? What happened to all the "S's?" Everytime I hear a child in my presence do this I start complaining. Too bad many parents have also fallen into the habit...

My son is going on a trip at the end of the month. I will have from Sunday evening until Friday afternoon to myself. No practices, no games, no picking up or dropping off from school. No helping with homework, no extra laundry, no extra mess. If I had a man, I would be free to have him stay over! I plan to use my time wisely.. I will go to yoga and relax, get into the gym and sweat and attempt to go running and challenge myself. I will clean the closets and donate to charity or friends all of the clothes, jackets and shoes that no longer fit my ever growing son. And I will try to meet friends for dinner at least one of the 5 evenings I will have alone. At least... that's the plan now.....

Love you all.. hope you're well!

RM.

Thirteen Years

Photo Credit: Anne Geddes

Thirteen years ago today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. It was a cold but beautiful sunny day. I woke up about 7:00 am starving as usual. Because I'm short, there was really nowhere for my internal organs to go so they just got squished by the baby. Consequently, I would go from starving to full in about 3 bites.

I went to the bathroom, then headed to the kitchen for a bowl of cereal. When I sat down to eat, I didn't feel very good. My stomach had that queasy feeling but since I was starving I felt like I needed to eat. About 5 minutes later I felt like I peed on myself a little. LOL anyone who has had a baby knows this is not out of the ordinary, but since that hadn't yet happened to me, I was mortified.

After going back into the bathroom to clean up, I decided to go lay back down for a while. I started having mini contractions so I called my girlfriend and told her that I thought that I was maybe in labor. She was still in bed so she told me to call her back when I knew for sure and hung up!

The contractions started getting a little stronger, so I decided to give my doctor a call. As I was waiting on the phone I was pacing the floor, walking back & forth. When I went to sit down on the bed my water broke - Oh shit! Yep, I'm in labor.

The dr. told me not to rush to the hospital, take my time and he would see me in a while. I called my girlfriend (she was my ride and birth partner) and then got in the shower. After shaving my legs, putting on some makeup and fixing my hair, we finally left for the hospital.

Just a few hours later with one girlfriend taking pictures and the other cutting the cord, we welcomed my little sweet boy into the world.

I love you my son. Happy 13th Birthday!