Frustration

Sometimes I get so frustrated with my love life.

2 months ago, the one I love and I had a conversation about "where this is going." He said "I'm almost ready to take it to the next level, commit, have an official girlfriend, start having our kids around each other, etc." Great, me too. I was so excited and scared of the prospect of a real relationship. Happy to finally have the kids together, thinking about all the things that we could do and how much more time we would have. Since he has his kids every other week, the weeks he has them we don't see each other at all.

I thought things would naturally progress from there... Yet a whole month went by, 2 of 2 dates were cancelled and I was becoming increasingly frustrated.

About a month after our talk, I finally got him on the phone on a Sunday afternoon. I told him how I felt about not seeing him for a month. I wanted to know what was going on? I thought we were taking it to the next level and now I haven't seen you for a month. I have all the patience in the world so long as we're on the same page, but if we're not - If I'm not what you want and who you want to be with then you need to let me know. I've never asked any man to be somewhere he didn't want to be.

I finally told him I love him, and I told him we have known each other long enough that he should know whether or not he sees me in a place of importance in his life. You should already know if you can see me as your girlfriend. You should already know if you can see me as your wife. You should already know. And if you can't see me in that role, then you need to let me go. Two hours later, he said he wasn't ready to fully commit to a relationship, but he might be ready soon, he isn't sure, he's got some things he needs to work on. He said he thought we should "table" our relationship. Really? That's what you want to do? A month ago you were ready to take it to the next level and now you're not?

When a man tells me he isn't ready for a relationship I hear "You're not the one". This change of heart instantly had me thinking there was another woman on the scene. Of course I asked, of course he said no.

When I am with this man, I feel his love for me, so not for one minute did I believe that he really wanted to end it.. but, since I didn't know what was really going on, I figured what the hell, let me find out for sure.

So I asked him if he would be willing to tell me to my face that he wanted to table the relationship. 3 days later we met at Panera Bread over coffee.. We talked about everything else but what we were there to talk about. On the way out he helped me with my coat and walked me to my car. He looked at me, kissed my forehead, hugged me, kissed my forehead again, said "I'll talk to you soon" and started walking away.

I was like, wait - wasn't there a purpose for this meeting? He smiled and said "yeah, so I could see you" I said - That's it? He said "yeah, that's it" I said - You're sure? He said "yeah, I'll talk to you soon" - Uh huh.. ok.

I waited about 30 minutes and called him - "So..." I said. He said, "I think we should talk about it some more." I said, so you don't want to table it? He said, "no." Ok, we can talk about it some more.

That was about 3 weeks ago or so. We've talked regularly on the phone since then. Sometimes for a while, sometimes just for a quick minute. We made plans to get together last night. I went to his place where we talked and had a few beers. I had a party I needed to show my face at, but with him was where I really wanted to be. I had to leave to go to the party (he wouldn't go with me... what is up with that? I'll save that for another day). I returned to him an hour later where we had some more beer, talked and watched tv.

He fell asleep on the couch with his arms wrapped around me. I started playing with his nipples and rubbing his head. He was like "woman, stop that" lol. He got up, said he needed to go to bed so he could get up early for church. I thought he was going to send me on my way, but he flipped the script on me and said, let me get you a t-shirt to sleep in.

We undressed in the dark - he usually undresses me in a passionate frenzy, but this time he was keeping his distance. He tossed me a t-shirt, I took off my jeans revealing a black thong. He was like, hold up! Flipped the light on real quick to get a better look and then shut the light off.. lol.

I finished undressing, put his t-shirt on and got in the bed. I spooned my back-side to his front side and he teased me telling me to stay on my side of the bed. Two can play that game... I scooted over to my side and layed on my stomach giving him the dark silouette of my ample rear under the covers.

It wasn't long before his hands were all over me and his tounge was tracing across my ears and neck. He had me melting into the bed with his lips and tounge and hands.

We slept for a few hours until it was time for him to get up for church and me to get home. "Call me so I know you made it home ok" he said.

I'm frustrated with us. I'm frustrated that he won't commit. I'm frustrated that I'm 35 and I feel like it's never going to happen for me. I'm frustrated that I feel like my life is incomplete without a partner to share it with. I'm frustrated that my life is passing me by, day by day, year by year and I can't ever get past the "potential girlfriend or girlfriend" stage.

I'm afraid that I'm going to end up alone. No more kids, no husband, no lover who really knows me inside and out. No family to call my own. No one to come home to, to hold me, to love me. I'm frustrated that I know our chances of working out are slim based on his current behavior, but that I still believe it can.

I love this man. I just don't know if I should let go or keep chasing pavement.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas and happy Thursday! My son woke me up at 7 am (yawn.) He used to never wake up early on Christmas morning. When he was little, I used to have to wake him up!

My son didn't really ask for anything this year. He has everything he needs and most things he wants. So here's what he got from me (a.k.a Santa):

iLuv Stereo/ipod docking system with sub woofer

ipod car charger

ipod wall charger

itunes gift card $15

Nike cold weather compression leggings/pants

Leather belt with removable buckle (he's really into belt buckles this year)

We had a great Christmas morning and will be running around all day :) Merry Christmas blogger family, I hope you have a super day!

Wordless Wednesday

10 random things about me

Same rules as all the other tags: Link back to the person who tagged you. He refused to tag, so I self-tagged. Forgive me, I had nothing else to say today.

Answer the questions Tag 7 other bloggers (it's always 7, people need to be more creative) Let them know in the comments they were tagged. (we know I'm not tagging anyone right? tag yourself if you want to)

10 random things about me:

I used to paint, sculpt and draw

My right ring finger is double jointed

I've never been off the continent

I have 1 tattoo

I have a piercing below my navel and above my knees

I hate sleeping with socks on

I envy muscular women

I wear mens boxer briefs

I wish they made them in cotton without the boy-hole

I want to own an art gallery

9 ways to win my heart:

Smarts (don't believe everything you hear, go find out for yourself. Intellegence is sexy)

Affection (Wrap your arms around me, kiss my forehead, hold my hand)

Responsible (Do what you need to do when you need to do it)

Fun (Make me laugh and let me tell my corny jokes)

Humble (Know that you might be the world to me, but the world doesn't revolve around you)

Great teeth (A great smile is worth a thousand words)

Giving (Show me that you love me and others in your life. Give of your time, give your attention, give your love)

Sexy (Know how and when to step it up a notch)

Hard-working (Put in work and reap the rewards)


8 things I want to do before I die:

Learn how to carry a tune

Travel the world

Design my own handbags and shoes

Sell one of my paintings

Find and marry my life partner

Have a daughter

Be a philanthropist

Learn to play the guitar/ukulele


7 ways to annoy me:

Being late

Being disrepectful

Being a bad parent

Placing blame on others

Expect others to handle your business

Not following through

Being stupid (in all it's forms)

6 things I believe in:

My son

Love

Karma

Positive energy

Acupuncture

Cleanliness

5 things I am afraid of:

Losing control

Not being loved

My son being harmed

Success

Failure

4 of my favorite things:

Flannel sheets

Fresh lavender

Chai Tea

Dark chocolate


3 things I do daily:

Kiss my son

Pray

Worry


2 things I want to do within the hour:

Relax

Read more blogs of my favorite folks

1 person I want to see right now:

The one I love

Snow Day!

All the schools are closed, the snow is up past my back door. The steps up my front porch no longer have any definition, they just look like a big mound of snow.

I'm working from home today, lucky to have the ability to log into e-mail and take care of just about everything from the comfort of my couch.

I'll take pictures when the snow stops, hope you are safe and warm wherever you are today!

The Lover

The sing-song ring tone went off in her purse. What does he want?, she wondered to herself. Hello? I'm out shopping. No, I'm not buying anything for you.

Laughing along with his unusually playful mood she realizes he's flirting with her again. "Can I see you later?" he asks. Yes, she replies, you can see me when you pick up our son for the party. "No, after that", he says.

He enters the house smelling like cologne and pipe tobacco. He likes those little cigars, the Black and Mild Vanilla. She really wishes he would quit smoking them. Better than cigarettes, she thinks to herself. He walks into the kitchen muttering something about "his kind of beer" and "who's this in this picture on the fridge?"

She walks into the small kitchen only to realize it's a trap. He just wanted her to be close to him. He points out people in pictures he has seen 10 times. "Who's that? Who's this?" He didn't really care. He just needed and wanted her in his space.

He moved so that he brushed up against her causing her skin to pucker into ten thousand little bumps. Uncontrollable. She walked away knowing he was looking at her ass in her yoga pants the whole time.

Is it cold in here? She wondered aloud. Come here, he said, "I'll warm you up" as he opened his winter coat to welcome her inside. He rarely shows this kind of affection she thinks to herself as she allows him to envelope her into his embrace. It's warm in here.

He starts to move her slowly backward into her bedroom. She resists but she's no match for him. He can easily lift her off the floor and put her exactly where he wants her. She continues to resist even though she knows it's futile. Damn him.

In the bedroom, the lights are off and he pushes her gently toward the bed. Warm lips touch her face, her neck, her lips. "Give me some sugar" he whispers. No. She keeps her lips pressed together refusing to kiss him back.

His weight on her is heavy. They are fully dressed, he even has on his winter coat and hat. But still, the position is intimate, familiar, comforting. He grabs her hair and pulls back hard exposing her neck. Her weakness.

"Kiss me!", he demands. No. She shakes her head, but dares not open her lips.

He ravages her neck, sucking gently across the surface, stroking with his tounge and lips near her collarbone and up around the base of her hairline. With every breath and every stroke she can feel the familiarity returning. Yin and Yang in life, in love, in sync, together forever.

"Do you miss me?", he asks. No. "Tell me the truth." No. "Look me in my eye and tell me you don't miss me." I don't miss you. "You swear?" his voice cracking just a little giving away his emotion like a secret note being passed in school, hoping no one would notice. She couldn't answer.

"Kiss me" he insisted as he ravaged her neck some more, his hands gently tugging and pulling her hair and neck this way and that, opening her for his pleasure, knowing it's the way to her heart and fire.

She couldn't resist. Her teeth caught his bottom lip as he was whispering kisses and love into her soul. Her toungue gathered his energy and returned it to him, sucking gently, licking, flicking, playfully stealing his breath and words from his mouth.

He sighed deeply as he felt her love pass through him. No more words were spoken as he embraced her, wrapped her in his arms, loved her in the moment, knowing that she loved him back. This one, the lover, she's all his. He pulled her out and away from the others. They can have her back tomorrow.

I Adopted A Girl!!!

Ok, not for forever, just for Christmas!

So after feeling lousy about the season and like there was more I needed to be doing this holiday, I contacted an organization in my community that I thought I could help. They service over a thousand families and organize the adopt-a-family for Christmas program. They had all of their families accounted for and then got word that one more family needed help.

I sent an e-mail yesterday, and within 10 minutes "Bob" was calling my desk to talk to me about this family. There are 3 kids, 2 boys and a girl who were just adopted by their grandparents. Since this family didn't have sponsors for Christmas, the administration team decided that they would adopt this famiy of 5. "Bob" invited me to join the administration team in sponsoring this family and I happily accepted!

In my e-mail to "Bob" I mentioned that while I would be willing to sponsor any family, one with a little girl would be especially nice for me since I have been buying boy-stuff for 13 years. Just my luck (or God's hands at work) this family includes a 4 year old little girl, and they are letting me buy just for her - Yay!

I went online today and bought her a red coat with a fuzzy hood, 2 pair of pants, 2 shirts, a micro-fleece 1/2 zip coat, a hat and mittens. I still need to get some socks, boots, a toy and a book or two or three (you can never have too many books!)

Guess what - IT'S CHRISTMAS! And I'm excited!

For any of you feeling the way I did the other day - go find something, anything to give. It's made a HUGE difference in my mental state and it's bringing my heart alive.

Christmas Blues

We're just 2 weeks away from Christmas and I have yet to feel the spirit of the holiday. So many people are in a hard place this year and for most of us, the saying "charity begins at home" has never been more true.

Many who give to the local food bank now depend on that same food bank to eat. Those who previously gave their gently used clothes to the salvation army might now need to shop there for their own children.

I have two friends who are out of work, one who got his car stolen and lost his job in the same week. The other has been out of a job for months, in fact, I think she has been out of a job since Spring. Thankfully, both of them have good families that will stand by them and help them out. And I know that if I ended up in a similar place, my family would help me out.

Every year at work we adopt a few needy families for Christmas. I always ask for the youngest little girl so I can go buy girly stuff (13 years of boy-stuff will do that to you!) Like many companies this year, we cancelled our Christmas party, asked managers not to take their staff out to lunch or dinner on the company's dime and... we also didn't find any needy families to serve.

How I feel right now is how I have felt in other situations and the best way I can explain it is to use the title of a book (that I still have yet to read) by Marian Wright Edelman: "Sea Is So Wide and My Boat Is So Small".

I feel like a little ship in an ocean so wide where the need is so great. The greatest gift we can give, is the gift of our time and our service to others. I know that when I find a way to serve someone else, the Christmas spirit will come alive in me.

The Whore, The Lady and The Lover

The whore likes the games and the sexual desire always brimming on the surface. She wants to win by losing the game and end up bent over the couch with a hot stiff dick in her pussy or on her knees with a big cock between her lips. She's always there, watching, noticing subtle hints of arousal, a smile, a glance, a light brush of a hand. When he pulls her hair or pushes her up against the wall, it's everything she can do to keep the juices from running down her leg. Damn, he knows her too well.

The lady is the smart one. She is wise, reflective, knows when enough is enough and gives the best advice. She works hard so that she is dependent on no one, even though she knows that she would like someone to share her life with and love. She pays the bills, takes care of the house, makes sure everything is taken care of. She also knows better than to get involved with him again. He loves her, desires her, but he can't commit and his attention never lasts. So she tolerates him for the sake of the greater good, then puts him in his place and keeps it movin'.

The lover thinks only in memories and feelings. Her love is strong, fierce, unwavering, committed and permanent. She remembers every word spoken in love, every touch, every good morning kiss, every link of emotion that ties her to him. He became a part of her and he cannot be relinquished. She yearns for him when she is feeling disconnected and lonely, she aches for the familiarity of his touch. His warm embrace completes her and makes her feel whole.

The lover knows that the lady is right most of the time. Love doesn't mean a thing with no action to back it up. Sometimes she just needs a new memory to refresh her, to know that the love was real once upon a time. She hates the whore. Where is the commitment? The love? The respect for herself in the morning? How can she just let him enter her body and possess her without love?

When it comes to him, the lady fights with both the lover and the whore. 15 years of his bullshit was more than enough for her to give up and move on. A few years ago she thought he changed. He was so sweet, so open, even happy. She should have known better, she listened to the lover and what happened? The same bullshit. She knows better than to listen to that sweet sugar the lover tries to whisper in her ear. And the whore, she got what she wanted too.

The whore is the worst of the three. God she is insatiable. Whenever he gets near her she starts sweating and dripping all over the place. Just the thought of him inside her has her telling the lady to go read a book and mind her business. And the lover, she reads too much into the most finite detail. The whore just wants to feel pleasure; no pain, no thought, no love.

It's peaceful when he stays away, but the three of them fight like crazy whenever he comes around. Last time, the lady won, she was feeling strong, determined, and couldn't be bothered with any of them. Now she's vulnerable, wounded, hurt, and broken hearted. Don't tell the lover or the whore. They're still licking their wounds from the last round, but if they had a chance, they would kick the lady's ass.

Wordless Wednesday

Slacker

I know, I know, I have been slacking on the blog - my bad.

Friday I played cards with my cousin and a bunch of other girls. We had a Euchre tournament - I didn't place, but I came close! Her friend lives about an hour away so I didn't get home till almost 3 am.

Saturday I shopped at Target, Meijer, and TJ Maxx. I picked up essentials at Target, Thankgiving dinner stuff at Meijer and a few pairs of jeans for my son at TJ Maxx. Then my son and I went to see Madagascar 2 - It was good, my favorite part is still the song that Moto-Moto sings. I like em chunky, I like em thick, "Girl, you so BIG!" ha ha ha ha ha - too funny.

Sunday we had breakfast with my dad, this is a family tradition that has been going on for more than 12 years. My dad, my son and I (plus extras when they are around like friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc.) meet every Sunday for breakfast at 9:30. I remember Sunday, January 1, 1999 we had 13 inches of snowfall. I was driving a Suzuki Esteem at that time. My dad called and said "you still want to go to breakfast?" I said, sure just come dig me out first - so he did!

We didn't do too much the rest of the day. A friend of mine stopped over and so did my mom. We ended up talking and having cocktails till about 8:30 - they left and I chilled. I think I was in the bed by 10:10.

I'm only working today and tomorrow this week. I need to take my son to the barber on Wednesday so he looks sharp for the holiday and then we have teeth cleaning appointments in the afternoon.

I'm cooking for my dad & his girlfriend (and anyone else who stops in) on Thursday. Since I am allergic to Turkey I am going to buy a spiral honey-baked ham, make some scalloped potatoes, dressing, gravy, salad, and green beans. My dad is baking an apple pie. Sweet potatoes don't agree with him, so I think I am going to skip those on the menu.

Friday we will be going to my Aunt's house for Thanksgiving again. Then off to the stores I go Friday morning. Target is one of my favorite spots for Black Friday. They always have really good movies for $3.

So blogger fam, where are you going or what are you cooking for Thanksgiving? Do you shop on Black Friday or do you hibernate in the house?

Wordless Wednesday

10 Days

I commented the following on Torrance's page, and liked it enough to make it my own post. So here it is again - 10 days that were important in my life or made a significant impact on who I am.



In chronological order:



1. Moving to a new city and new school at age 7 - traumatizing!



2. The day my mother came home from the hospital after her brain tumor surgery. Life would never be the same.



3. The day Barnabas Lekganyane came to my home. Powerful.



4. The day I almost drowned. Resurrected.



5. The day I was raped. Never completely recovered.



6. The day my son was born. Never knew love before.



7. The day I miscarried my second child. It still hurts.



8. The day fear took on a whole new meaning (9-11). Evil has no shame.



9. The day I could say with certainty that I was free from his mental grasp. It was a long time coming.



10. The day I fell in love again. So glad I was finally free.

Weekend Wrap Up

Friday night I went out with the girls for dinner and drinks. We were going to go dancing, but it was raining and cold outside so the bar scene was dead. Oh well, we still had fun!

On Saturday we had an indoor garage sale at my son's school... again, it was cold and raining outside so no one came out.. I sold 3 pairs of pants and a baseball cap. The one I love and I were supposed to go out to dinner for my birthday, but he had something important come up, so we had to cancel our plans. I decided to stay in and cook so I tried the Mac & Cheese recipe from DTW's food blog.

I greased my pan:

Then boiled my noodles:

I shredded 4 kinds of cheese:

Made a roux:

Added spices and cheese and created a pan of yummy goodness!

I found this recipe to be really, really good flavor-wise, but a little too greasy (versus creamy). Not sure if one of the cheeses was to blame? I think that a lower oil content cheese might be necessary to get the consistancy I prefer.

Then I made some fried/baked chicken. I breaded the chicken and browned both sides in some olive oil on the stove, then put the whole pan in the oven for 50 minutes. The chicken was so good!

I also made some sweet potatoes just because.

Here's the final plating DTW style (minus the cool triangle plates):

On Sunday we raked leaves just before it started to snow.

Then we went to the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History so my mom could see the King Tutankhamun exhibit. She is facinated with King Tut and the exhibit was great but they won't let you take pictures so this is all I have to show you of our trip!

After the museum we went to a little restaurant where dill pickle soup is on the menu. My mom swore that it was great, so I gave it a try. It really was good, kind of tasted like cabbage soup. Here's a pic:

Even though I didn't get to see the one I love, it was still a good weekend. Hope you enjoyed yours!

Happy Birthday To Me

It's my birthday!! As of the 12th day of November, I will be 35 years, or 420 months, or 1820 weeks, or 12775 days old... that's as far as I go it was nerdy enough.. lol.

My mom and son took me out to The Melting Pot for an early birthday dinner. We had chedder cheese fondu with bread, veggies and my personal favorite, apples. Then we had a nice salad followed by fish, scallops and shrimp for me, steak & shrimp for my son, and vegetarian (artichokes, mushrooms, eggplant, red peppers, tofu, etc.) for my mom.

I got a "Love Martini" it was pink and had heart-shaped stawberries in it, yummy!

After all that - we still found room for dessert.. here's a look:

There were... strawberries, bananas, marshmallows, rice krispy treats, cheesecake, brownies, angel food cake and a cherry on top!

The Happy Birthday card was signed by everyone working at the restaurant that evening - so cute.

The chocolate thing on the right hand side was an oreo encrusted marshmallow. Who knew!?!

I brought some home:

Our pot of chocolate to dip in:

We had a really great server "Guy" and server's assistant "Tyrell". After dinner, Guy took us on a tour of the building/resturant. It was a great time, I had a great birthday dinner that will take weeks to burn off (lol) and I am so thankful for my wonderful family and many blessings.

Falling apart

I'm not eating right, I'm not excercising enough, I'm not sleeping enough. My head hurts, my stomach hurts, my skin looks like crap. I work full time, go to school part time, raise my son by myself and take care of a house.

As if that weren't enough, I lost about 45% of my monthly child support due to some FOC rule changes so I'm now looking for a part time job.

I already cancelled the home phone, stopped seeing the acupuncturist, switched the cable to economy basic ($15.99 per month), stopped paying extra on my mortgage, upped my deductions on my W4's and lowered my 401k contribution. I can pay my bills and buy gas & groceries but not much else.

Money might not make you happy, but it certainly affords you the ability to worry less. This weekend I spent from Friday evening to Sunday morning in the house primarly on the couch watching movies. Not in a depression, but definitely feeling BLAH.

Pray for me. I need it.

Fall = Apple Pie

Apple Pie is a family favorite and homemade crust is a must. My mom & I made some apple pies the other day - See for yourselves!

Jedi Mind Tricks

I went home for lunch today and passed a gas station near my house where gas is $1.96 per gallon!

$27.00 to fill up my truck - wow!

YES WE DID!!

I knew we could do it, and we did!

Congratulations President Obama!!!

Today is the day....

Voting, court, anxiety, nervousness, and excitement. Man this is going to be some day. I set my alarm to wake me an hour early so that I can be as prepared as possible for the day. I have court for child support at 11:30 today. I really wish that it was earlier in the day so we could go and get it over with and then have the rest of the day to go vote.

The earliest I can drop my son off at school is about 8:00 am, then it will take 15 or 20 minutes for me to get back to the place I vote. I have to be out of there by 10:30 to drive downtown for court and still have time to park and figure out where I need to be.

I guess if the lines are too long for that, I will go get some breakfast and wait until this afternoon to go vote. I'm not trying to stand in line for hours in high heels anyway.

I hope all of you who haven't voted already have fast moving lines today and good people to talk with while you are in line. We're in it to win it! Obama/Biden '08!!

Ok...I'm off to collect my thoughts and get ready for my day. Pray for me, I need it.

UPDATE: I dropped my son off, drove to the community center, pulled into the parking lot, walked in, filled out my ballot and walked out. Took all of 5 minutes - let's hope court goes as smoothly.

After all this stress, I think I might try and schedule a massage today... off to call "Maria the massuse"

A hurt so good

You know when you kiss for hours and your lips hurt and feel

slightly bruised and swollen from the pressure and intensity of desire.

My lips feel like that.

Only... not the ones attached to my face.

Lower.

Damn. It hurts so good.

Wow.

I'm sitting here watching the future President Obama's commercial with hope in my heart and tears running down my cheeks. 6 days folks. 6 days.

What is gender?

So I'm sitting here watching Dr. Phil and today they have on parents of kids (little kids) who feel they are the wrong gender. In two of the cases the boys felt like they were girls. They wanted to dress in girl clothing, wear barrettes, play with dolls and do "girl" things. In both of these cases, after the parents struggled with it for a while, they allowed their sons to dress like girls and essentially change their outward appearance to female.

When my son was little, he used to want me to paint his fingernails and toenails and he also liked to wear a tutu (like for ballet), lol. In addition, he was facinated with trucks, trains and sports. He no longer wants me to paint his fingernails or dress in girls clothing, but what if he did?

I have an Aunt who always acted like a boy - always. She looked like a boy (strong jaw, narrow build, no hips, etc.) she acted like a boy, she sounded like a boy when she talked, she played sports and overall acted like a boy. No one was really surprised when she "came out of the closet" and announced that she was gay. But is she? If a child is born with male genitalia but feels like a girl, acts like a girl, wants to be a girl and likes boys - Is he homosexual... or a straight girl born with the wrong genetalia? If a child is born with female genitalia but feel like a boy, acts like a boy, wants to be a boy and likes girls - Is she homosexual...or a straight boy born with the wrong genetalia?

When I think about what makes me a woman it isn't because I have hips, breasts and a vagina. I like my body to be feminine, I like to be pampered, I like to have my hair done, I loved the feeling of feeding an infant from my body, I like feeling pretty and sexy and well...womanly. I want a daughter because I want to dress her in pink, do her hair in barrettes and headbands and paint her fingernails. I want to be there when she gets her first bra and have tea parties with her. It doesn't mean that she couldn't love sports, but she can do that and be a girl at the same time. I do!

So anyway - on this show they had some other opinions of folks not in this situation who thought that there was no way that a boy could be born in the wrong body because "God doesn't make mistakes." For parents to allow their kids to express that they feel like another gender is just bad parenting... Are they kidding me? What sane parent would choose to have their child change genders? What sane child would choose to be made fun of at school, looked at funny, ridiculed for being different, etc. They wouldn't.

So blogger fam.. what say you? What makes you male? What makes you female? What attracts you to the opposite sex or the same sex or both? What would you do if your son or daughter came to you and said they wanted to change genders? Do you think that we're born to be the gender that the anatomy between our legs suggests us to be, or do you think that gender is formed in the mind?

Why's it always gotta be the black guy?

WTF is up with these crazy girls always blaming it on the black guy? Seriously - is it because of a racial hatred or is it because people are so uneducated about other cultures that they figure they can use a "one-size-fits-most" description and the "guy" will never be found?

The lady that drowned her kids and blamed it on a big black guy - this crazy chick below who carved a backwards "B" into her face and blamed it on a big black guy - both obviously INSANE!! And when this stuff happens, is it an intentional move to further destroy the image of the African American male or is it the (convenient) inability to provide an accurate description?



Think about Asian Americans - can you pick out the differences in facial or body features of individuals in order to pick the right guy out of a line-up or are most Asians small-framed, brown hair, brown eyes, beige skin, etc.? Do you know how to tell if someone on the street is Chinese, Japanese or Vietnamese or do they all look the same to you?

For European Americans - if you are a European American there are a few more common possibilities: Eye color could be blue or brown - hair color could be brown, blonde, red or black and scars or tattoo's would stand out. But if you aren't white, do you notice the differences? Would you be able to tell if that "white" guy over there was Italian, Jewish or Irish?

For African Americans - if you are African American you learn to notice skin tone, eye color and shape, hair style and color, freckles or not, lip shape, height, weight, etc. But if you aren't black you might describe an African American as having "brown hair, brown eyes, and brown skin, 6' tall, medium build" without being able to describe any other distinctive features because they either never learned, or never spent enough time around other cultures to learn the subtle differences.

Same goes for Mexican Americans or Arab Americans - Do you know what features to look for to provide an accurate description if you really needed to?

I am so glad our society is getting better and better at calling out the crazy and placing blame exactly where it does belong and putting these people in jail - right where they belong. Personally.. I think anyone caught blaming their own crimes on the "big black guy" should get an extra 15 years behind bars.

HR Sex?..

I'm taking an International HR class right now... Is it just me, or does this paragraph sound strangely sexual?

"Hard, soft and contextual goals are often used as the basis for performance criteria."

Hard goals are objective, quantifialble and can be directly measured. (lol - I'll say!)

Soft goals tend to be relationship based and involve interpersonal skills. (When it's soft, you need to have your conversational skills tight!)

Contextual goals attempt to take into consideration factors that result from the situation in which performance occurs. (Dude, better bring your "A" game!)