TGIF!
There are just some offers I have no problem refusing...All true, all today. Seriously.
Offer 1 "The freak":
My Son's Father: So, how about I get a bottle of Patron and one of those all in one lace bodysuits, and come over?
Me: For what?!?
SF: So you can put it on for me.
Me: No.
SF: Ok what about a cowgirl outfit?
Me: WTF? Seriously? No!
SF: Why not?
Me: I'm not country!
SF: So, you don't have to be country to ride.
Me: NO!
Offer 2 "The cheat":
This offer came from a guy I used to casually see but never slept with. He has a serious shoe & thigh-high fetish and had the nerve to marry a girl who he knew wouldnt play along. They had a baby a few months back (presumably from one of the 2 times they had sex.. )
Via text: My wife has only had sex with me twice since January of 2008.
Me: wow? really? that sucks!
Text: Yeah, I know. I think I might start cheatin'
Me: Don't do that, just talk to her.
Text: I have talked to her, she said I could cheat, just don't tell her.
Me: Maybe she should see a Dr.
Text: She says she is just tired.
Me: wow, I really think she should see someone but ok.
Text: Remember when you put on those thigh-highs and peep-toe heels and met me at the bar. Then afterward in the car you........
Me: lol, yeah. That was fun.
Text: So what are you doing tonight?
Me: oooh, I'm busy, call me when your divorce is final!
Offer 3 "The dirty old man":
Offer 3 came from my old man friend (16 years older than me) who I love to look at but not touch. Why? Cause everytime I see him, I think, wow he is so cute. He doesn't look 51! Then he gets to talkin'. Ugh. Gets on my damn nerves. Just sit there and look good!
Old man: Whatchu doin?
Me: Just got home, about to take a nap (that was true, till I decided to blog instead)
Old man: Oh, you should have told me, I would come over in my jammies and rub on you. (Yes he really said "jammies")
Me: lol, you're funny
Old man: I would rub on you, and hold you, and sleep next to you, then help you with your math homework and rub on you some more, then have dinner, then rub on you some more, then you could be dessert...
Me: lol, wow, all that?
Old man: Yeah, I'm taking it slow with you, cause I know you're not ready, but I'm going to get in you in 2009.
Me: Oh wow, ok, I'm going to take a nap, I'll call you later (like sometime next year...)
