The Lonestar State

We're heading out to UBJ's side of the country. We'll be in Houston on Sunday for (hopefully) some warm weather and sunshine! We're hoping to hit up Galveston for Mardi Gras on the 25th.

We've never been to Texas, so we're excited! Pics upon our safe return!

Available in what?!?

I was reading a magazine and it stated that a pair of shoes were available in "black" and "elephant".

What color is THAT?

Or is it a pattern?

Inquiring minds want to know.

The Joys of Motherhood...

I am a worrier.

When I was pregnant, I worried that I would miscarry.

When he was born, I worried that he would die of SIDS.

When he had colic, I worried that I would have a nervous breakdown.

The worry never ends.

My son experienced a lot of changes in 2010. My mother, who was his go-to person for 14 years - left. Moved out of state 12 hours away for another grandbaby.

His dad who stopped us from moving and swore he would step up to the plate and be the dad he was supposed to be...sold me another book of unkept promises.

I always had my mom to help out, be the 2nd parent when I needed to be in two places at once or needed to work late or had a function. Now I have just me.

He went from middle school to high school. Tough transition for a lot of kids I'm sure. But we also moved 30 miles from our hometown, away from neighborhood friends, away from our familiar places to go, away from the place he grew up.

His dad disappeared again. We know where he is - he just doesn't participate.

My son is fast approaching 15.

Now I worry that he will make the wrong choices.

I worry that he is depressed or sad or lonely.

I worry that he will decide it was just too much change to deal with all at one time and look for an escape.

I worry that his sudden lack of effort in school will stunt his growth as a person, creating a domino effect that will change his entire future.

I worry that I'm not going to get through to him until it's too late.

Motherhood is not for the weak-hearted.

Single motherhood of a 15 year old boy...

I'll tell you, this is why parents want grandkids so bad. They want to go back to the easy days when the biggest worry was running out of goldfish crackers or grape juice.

It's the biggest worry and the most joyful experience all at the same time. When he's happy, I'm happy.

I just wish I knew how to motivate him.

I Didn't Know

As I was catching up with old bloggers last night I discovered that our very beautiful, very talented and very beloved Nikki passed away over a year ago.

I still have tears running down my cheeks.

Nikki had a way of expressing herself that took you right into the room with her. She not only told the story, she brought the reader along for the ride.

My heartfelt condolences and prayers go out to Nikki's family and friends. The ones who knew her in real life and the ones who knew her as I did - here in the blogging world.

Rest in peace Ms. Nikki, we will always have a part of you right here with us, but you will most definitely be missed forever.

The One I Love

I was reading some of my old posts and ran across the one from my last "meeting" with the one I love in 2008. December 27, 2008. That was the last time I saw him. I spent most of 2009 alone until the very end of the year when my son's father returned to the picture. Didn't I tell you he always comes back when I am at my most vulnerable? Damn him. But this post isn't about him.

The one I love and I kept in contact over the last two years. We talked every now and again. One way or another one of us would find a reason to call at least every few months. He told me "you know you have a special place in my heart".

When I was with him I was in such a hurry. Hurry and commit, hurry and get married, hurry and have a baby, hurry hurry hurry. He's just not that kind of guy. I laugh at myself now when I look back at my life & how much I was doing back then; how did I ever manage to find the time to do anything!?! I felt intense pressure to finish school, get married, have a baby and at 35, I knew my years for getting the baby in were running out. It wasn't just about the baby. I wanted the family. The husband, the kids, the craziness. I wanted it all. And I wanted him to give it to me.

Fast forward two years. December 10, 2010. He came by the new place, stepped into my foyer, wrapped his arms around me, gave me a quick kiss and handed me a bottle of champagne. Happy housewarming he said. Welcome home, I thought. We sat on the couch and talked for nearly 4 hours. We talked about our accomplishments, changes in career paths, kids, life, future goals. It was relaxed, unrushed, low pressure, happy, warm and full of love. We laughed and laughed some more. And then we kissed.

My god this man knows how to love me. In our usual fashion the clothes started coming off on the couch in the living room and finished next to the bed. It's always a funny walk of shame through the house looking for tossed or flung articles of clothing the next day... lol.

He spent the night holding me in his arms, warming my soul, giving me peace, easing my mind and fulfulling my dreams. I... still love this man.

I'm taking it slow this time around. No pressure to put a label on it. No pressure to get married. No pressure to have kids. The response I have received in return has been encouraging. I still feel his love for me...I'm still working on becoming the woman who believes she is worthy of it.

MIA - A Year In Review

WOW. I cannot believe that it has been more than a year since I last posted. So much has been going on that I should have been writing about! So lets see if I have any followers that care.. lol.

2010 year in review:

Started to move out of state... my son's dad put the squash on that...he and I got back together for most of 2010...but it ended once again.

My son graduated from middle school and gave a graduation speech any parent would be proud of, I know I was!

I graduated from college with a Bachelor's in Business.

My son started high school at a private school about 30 miles from home which required us to move.

I had to short sell my house - a process that took nearly 7 months!

I moved...pretty much by the car-load over 7 months. lol.

I decided to kill the adoption plans. Once the kid got to high school I figured it was a done deal.

I joined e-harmony. Had 2 dates in 3 months. I won't be renewing... lol.

One moved out of state within a week of our date.... The other one was clearly in denial that he is gay. But he was definitely something pretty to look at :)

My very first nephew was born and I love him soooo much. He lives out of state, the first time he left after a visit I cried for an hour :(

Haven't been running at all. Just bought some new running shoes last week. Once the snow is down to a tolerable level, I'm going! 5k or die this year!

Pretty much put myself in financial ruin with this move, the sale of the house and paying for private school tuition...and books...and uniforms...and everything else that isn't included in the crazy tuition prices.

I have a plan to get back on the financial freedom train. I always do ;)

I'm happier now that school is done. I love having free time.

We're going on a real vacation over mid-winter break for the first time since 2009. And no homework!

I'm excited to catch up with all my blogger peeps. Can't wait to reconnect! I missed you all!