Thursday, August 28, 2008

What does it take?

I have a scheduling conflict. My son has his homecoming football game the same day as my cousin's wedding. I give my son the option of skipping the game or skipping the wedding since it doesn't seem likely that we can fit both in. Illogically...because I know better, I call his father.

Me: I have a wedding next month on Saturday and our son has his homecoming game, can you take him.

Him: No, I don't know if I'm going to have to work or not.

Me: So even with a month's notice, you can't commit to making sure you have the day off to take him to his game?

Him: No.

End of conversation.

I call a male friend...

Me: Hi friend, I have a wedding next month on Saturday and my son has his homecoming game, can you take him?

Friend: Absolutely, I will check my work schedule and if I have to work I will switch with someone or take the day off.

So why is it that my friend, who is of no relation to my son, who is not trying to get in my pants, who just loves me for me is more willing to do for my child than his own father? What does it take to get a man to be a man? Do what you're supposed to do. Handle your business.

At what point do your children become more important that your job? At what point do you say - I might be making money to support my kids, but that's all they are getting. They're not getting my time, they're not getting my attention, they're not learning from me, they're not experiencing my love. But hey. The bills get paid.

I work full time, I go to school part time, I own a house, I own a dog, I work out, I raise a young man by myself which includes taking him to school & football or basketball or cross country or soccer 5 to 6 days a week, making sure his clothes, sports equipment and his behind are washed, his homework is done, he has uniforms ready for school, he has lunch or lunch money ready to go, the permission slips, physical papers, school forms are signed, the house is clean & smells good, the dog is walked, gas is in the car, the lawn is mowed, the plants are watered, dinner is made, I do my own homework, I check in on my friends and family AND still find the time for an occassional date..... and you? Well you don't do any of those things. But hey. You go to work. Now that's a great dad.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Monday again....

It's Monday again. An elderly friend of the family passed away over the weekend. The world lost a good man, but he had a good life. We'll be supporting the family at funeral events over the next few days, and I think I will order some flowers today. I was thinking Calla Lillies, but I don't know if they are in season. Why do we order flowers for the dead more than for the living? I want all my flowers while I'm alive thank you very much. I don't want a funeral anyway. Nor do I want to be buried. Not that cremation sounds pleasant, but a better option for me.

What about you? Horse & carriage? Big to-do? Burial? Funeral? Cremation?

I need to get a move on for work - Peace, love and may you and your loved ones have a blessed day.

UPDATE: I looked online at flowers, most arrangements were $100 or more, so I went during lunch to a local florist. They had ordered dozens of white roses for a wedding and had some left over. He promised me all he had left (20 or more) in a nice bouquet with a vase for $45. Beautiful!

Friday, August 15, 2008

I'm Yours

the hand that envelopes the entirety of my cheek, the strength in your fingertips.

touch me, I'm yours.

the soft kiss like silk across my lips.

seduce me, I'm yours.

the warmth of your breath lingering, tingling on my neck.

tease me, I'm yours.

the sparkle of your eye like a secret waiting to be told.

sold, I'm yours.

the weight of your love as we dance together.

hold fast to me, I'm yours.

the promise unmade in the air, spoke often in dreams.

together forever, I'm yours.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Why? Because.

Because I think your smile is like light, because your warm hands heat my soul, because of the strength of your character, because we laugh together, because we talk for hours and hours on the phone and never run out of things to say, because we share the same morals and beliefs, because we share our lives everyday, because we are comfortable, because you are the sexiest man to me, because you are a gentleman, because you are my friend, because of the way you love me, because you are a leader, because you have vision, because you have passion, because you love pj’s and cartoons on Saturday mornings, because you are an undeniable chocoholic, because you live, because of the way your arms wrap around me, because when I hold you close to me, there is no other place that I want to be, because of the far away look you get when you are thinking about things, because your mind is beautiful, because you have a fun sense of humor, because I would follow you anywhere, because you would do anything for the people you care about, because you are a helper, because you surround yourself with good people, because I know you, because the hair on your stomach is so soft, because you are stubborn, because you are polite, because you are silly, because you understand, because you work hard, because you play hard, because you have honor, because you understand candlelight and a soft cd, because you know what “simple” means, because the little things are never an issue, because even the smallest dreams mean something, because you don’t have to understand the words to get the feeling, because you have courage, because you have felt loss, because you care for your body, because you know how to relax and enjoy, because you are accepting, because you don’t place blame, because your spirit is wise, because there is no selfishness, because there is caring, because there is thankfulness, because you think of me during your day, because even when we are apart, we’re not, because there is no fear, because being through the worst with you is better than the best alone, because there are moments when I feel you, even though you are not there, because my love is better for having you in my life, for these reasons and more, I love you.

Out of the Blue

Dear Mr. and Mrs.,

Parenthood is defined as the state of being a parent; the position, function and standing of a parent; one that begets or brings forth offspring; a person who brings up and cares for another.

It comes with great responsibility, sacrifice and culpability. This is something that I have done, single-handily for the last 9 years without any type of contact, involvement or emotional support from either of you, despite my invitation for you to be a part of his life.

Recently, you indicated that although you have wanted over the years to be a part of my son's life, you were waiting for your son to “come around”. I guess in essence, you were waiting for your son to become a parent. So was I. And I’m still waiting. Yet, that didn’t stop me from BEING a parent. Why did it stop you from being grandparents?

Although some may commend your recent inquires and attempts to become involved in my son's life, make no mistake because it is the truth: Your sudden interest and involvement confuses me and my child. Neither he nor I understand your intentions and are suspect of your motives. What happened to make you suddenly change your position? What circumstance, illness or tragedy brought the sudden interest in getting to know someone you have ignored for 9 years?

At this point he is not really sure if he is interested meeting you, and I can’t say that I blame him. He is a very smart 9-year old. He understands that he has family that has never talked to him or taken the time to meet him. He understands that his father can see him, but chooses not to. That is a large burden for a young man to take on. It is something that he will carry with him for the rest of his life.

I would like to be a partner in making the best of this situation as I can. I would like to encourage a healthy relationship between all of us. I will not be excluded, I am his mother. If you really want to get to know him, it’s going to be through me, on my terms. It’s going to require a whole lot of forgiveness, the swallowing of some pride, a ton of effort and conviction. It may be successful, it may not.

If and when you are ready to put it all out on the table, meet me face to face, answer my questions and give me some indication that you are in this for the rest of your lives – then please give me a call. Until then, I would appreciate the letters to him be withheld. Despite the good intention, they are confusing to him because he doesn’t know you. He cannot possibly think of people he has never met as “grandparents”.