The Joys of Motherhood...

I am a worrier.

When I was pregnant, I worried that I would miscarry.

When he was born, I worried that he would die of SIDS.

When he had colic, I worried that I would have a nervous breakdown.

The worry never ends.

My son experienced a lot of changes in 2010. My mother, who was his go-to person for 14 years - left. Moved out of state 12 hours away for another grandbaby.

His dad who stopped us from moving and swore he would step up to the plate and be the dad he was supposed to be...sold me another book of unkept promises.

I always had my mom to help out, be the 2nd parent when I needed to be in two places at once or needed to work late or had a function. Now I have just me.

He went from middle school to high school. Tough transition for a lot of kids I'm sure. But we also moved 30 miles from our hometown, away from neighborhood friends, away from our familiar places to go, away from the place he grew up.

His dad disappeared again. We know where he is - he just doesn't participate.

My son is fast approaching 15.

Now I worry that he will make the wrong choices.

I worry that he is depressed or sad or lonely.

I worry that he will decide it was just too much change to deal with all at one time and look for an escape.

I worry that his sudden lack of effort in school will stunt his growth as a person, creating a domino effect that will change his entire future.

I worry that I'm not going to get through to him until it's too late.

Motherhood is not for the weak-hearted.

Single motherhood of a 15 year old boy...

I'll tell you, this is why parents want grandkids so bad. They want to go back to the easy days when the biggest worry was running out of goldfish crackers or grape juice.

It's the biggest worry and the most joyful experience all at the same time. When he's happy, I'm happy.

I just wish I knew how to motivate him.