Out of the Blue

Dear Mr. and Mrs.,

Parenthood is defined as the state of being a parent; the position, function and standing of a parent; one that begets or brings forth offspring; a person who brings up and cares for another.

It comes with great responsibility, sacrifice and culpability. This is something that I have done, single-handily for the last 9 years without any type of contact, involvement or emotional support from either of you, despite my invitation for you to be a part of his life.

Recently, you indicated that although you have wanted over the years to be a part of my son's life, you were waiting for your son to “come around”. I guess in essence, you were waiting for your son to become a parent. So was I. And I’m still waiting. Yet, that didn’t stop me from BEING a parent. Why did it stop you from being grandparents?

Although some may commend your recent inquires and attempts to become involved in my son's life, make no mistake because it is the truth: Your sudden interest and involvement confuses me and my child. Neither he nor I understand your intentions and are suspect of your motives. What happened to make you suddenly change your position? What circumstance, illness or tragedy brought the sudden interest in getting to know someone you have ignored for 9 years?

At this point he is not really sure if he is interested meeting you, and I can’t say that I blame him. He is a very smart 9-year old. He understands that he has family that has never talked to him or taken the time to meet him. He understands that his father can see him, but chooses not to. That is a large burden for a young man to take on. It is something that he will carry with him for the rest of his life.

I would like to be a partner in making the best of this situation as I can. I would like to encourage a healthy relationship between all of us. I will not be excluded, I am his mother. If you really want to get to know him, it’s going to be through me, on my terms. It’s going to require a whole lot of forgiveness, the swallowing of some pride, a ton of effort and conviction. It may be successful, it may not.

If and when you are ready to put it all out on the table, meet me face to face, answer my questions and give me some indication that you are in this for the rest of your lives – then please give me a call. Until then, I would appreciate the letters to him be withheld. Despite the good intention, they are confusing to him because he doesn’t know you. He cannot possibly think of people he has never met as “grandparents”.