Cooking

I love to cook. I wish I had a bigger kitchen with a dishwasher so that cleanup after cooking was a little more convenient - but whatever.

I was perusing Darius T. Williams cooking blog here yesterday. He takes pictures during the cooking process and once his creations are plated to show the end result. I thought that was fun, so after I made dinner last night I took pictures.

My sister-in-law and brother were in town from NC, so my sister came over to have girls night with me. Botanas are a family favorite and my sister is allergic to wheat, gluten, flour, etc. so while planning our dinner I decided homemade Spicy Shrimp Botana and Mango Margaritas were the way to go. We diced, we chopped, we blended, we melted and the end result - a beautiful, bountiful, botana:







We also made some fresh salsa:

And some fabulous Mango Margaritas:

You'll notice my sister's was half gone before I could get the camera out!
We ended up drinking almost a 5th of Tequila in 2 pitchers of Margaritas... it might explain my resistance to getting up for work this morning.. lol.

Margarita anyone?

Bored

This blog is becoming more of an update rather than anything of substance. What should I write about? The next person that reads this blog - pick a topic or something you want to know and I will write about it. I'm still new to this and it takes some getting used to.

My son is at my mother's, my homework is done even though I still haven't received my book that I ordered 5 days ago (usually here overnight), I took a nap earlier so I'm not sleepy and so far I have no plans for the evening.

The one I love has his kids this week so spending time with him is out. We don't share personal time with kid time yet, although I have met his kids and he has met my son.

It's so infrequent that I have two minutes of down time that I'm not sure what to do with myself! Staying in my sweats in front of the TV is a definite option. All the interesting books in my house have been read and I don't read many books more than once. If I still had the "Secret Life of Bees" I would re-read that for the blogger bookclub. Maybe I will just go buy it so I can participate.

So last night I get a call from my (now married) ex-boyfriend. He was drunk as a skunk (something I have never seen or heard in the 4 years I have known him.) He called to tell me that I am one of the greatest people he has ever known. Something he has also told me while sober, lol. I sent him a text today to see how he was feeling... so far no response!

When was the last time you got or made a drunk-dial? Where you the dialer or the receiver?

WTF?

The older I get the stranger my sleep habits become. It's 6:11 am Saturday morning. I never get up this early - it's the weekend, so I for sure don't have to get up this morning. And here I am - wide awake.

So - I guess I will shower, do some laundry and maybe get started on those dishes I ignored last night.

TGIF

This week was a rush of work, football practices, a date with the one I love on Monday, a visit and dinner with my brother and sister-in-law who are in town from NC on Thursday and today we had a spaghetti dinner at school plus our homecoming football game. Whew!

When did life get so busy?

Now I'm sitting here listening to the presidential debate. I can't stand to listen to John McCain, I also can't stand to listen to his mistress...I mean VP.

People, we HAVE got to make sure that Obama gets into office!

10 Weeks 6 Days

It's been ten weeks and six days since my son has seen anyone on his dad's side of the family. His paternal grandfather drives by my house twice a day, every day, once on his way to work, and once on his way home. Despite my invitation to feel welcome to call, come by, or what have you, he still has not, does not.

My son's father moved back into town a month ago after living out of state for 2 years. Has he taken the time to see his child? Nope.

I feel sad for my son that his father doesn't get it.

I used to feel anger toward his family for barging into his life 3 years ago unannounced, uninvited, and just barely welcome. Then I loved his family because they endeared themselves to me and cared for my son and now I feel rejected by his family for being so passive about their involvement with my son.

Since his dad came back into his life 2 years ago they have retreated little by little. Back into oblivion. He might see them on holiday's - maybe. I think my son has seen them twice this year. Three times at most. They live 20 minutes away.

One part of me thinks - fuck them, their loss, they ignored that child for 9 years, shouldn't have expected it to last long. The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

One part of me thinks - How dare they come into his life, then walk away.

One part of me thinks - Have I done something wrong? Did I offend them away?

One part of me thinks - I should call them, have a grown up conversation, clear the air. Maybe they don't see.

What does it take to get your family to see that you need them? How does a 12 year old little boy tell his dad, I need you? He doesn't. He gets angry, he gets pissed, he shuts down. He says "I don't care" when I know he does.

My son used to ask me for a new daddy. "Momma, can you get married so I can have a new daddy, mine isn't very good." He stopped asking a few years ago, adolecence and detachment set in.

Sick & Tired

Woke up Friday morning with some nasty lucifer-invading-my-sinuses-throat-and-lungs thing. Still had to go to work Friday, still had to run around getting gifts and decorations for my dad's 60th birthday party on Saturday afternoon, still had to spend two and a half hours in the pouring rain under an umbrella watching my son play football Saturday evening. By ten pm last night, I felt like I was near utter exhaustion.

Today. Today I'm spending in my pajamas, on the couch, under the covers with the TV on and hot tea in hand.

Because tomorrow it's back to normal. Pray for me.

Say What You Need To Say

Take all of your wasted honor. Every little past frustration. Take all of your so called problems, Better put 'em in quotations. Say what you need to say.

Walkin' like a one man army, Fightin' with the shadows in your head. Livin' up the same old moment Knowin' you'd be better off instead If you could only...Say what you need to say.

Have no fear for givin' in. Have no fear for giving over. You better know that in the end It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again.

Even if your hands are shaking, And your faith is broken. Even as the eyes are closin', Do it with a heart wide open. Say what you need to say. Say what you need to, Say what you need to... Say what you need to say. - John Mayer from The Bucket List soundtrack

I have someone that I love. He doesn't know. We're friends, we're lovers, we're parents to different children with different lives and different homes. I loved him so much I walked away in January. He brought me back to him in June. I feel loved, honored, respected, challenged, engaged, admired.

He hasn't said the words. And neither have I.

"Say what you need to say. Say what you need to say." Every time I hear this song I want to call him and tell him. "I love you." Even if you don't love me back, even though I think you do. I love you. I love your fingers when they grab my hair in a passionate kiss. I love your attention to the little changes in my appearance. I love the father that you are to your children, the son that you are to your parents and the brother that you are to your sister. I love you for making tough decisions and taking risks. I love you because you are supportive, honest, caring and intellegent.

I love you because when we didn't speak for a while I missed you every day, and I am so glad to have you back in my life.

"Even if your hands are shaking, And your faith is broken. Even as the eyes are closin', Do it with a heart wide open. Say what you need to say."

If I knew today was the last day, I would tell him. If I knew this was my last minute, I would tell him. The next second isn't promised to me and yet I wait. And I love him. And I show him, not in the words that I say, but in the actions of my being. I hope he knows.