I find myself lost in thought a lot lately mulling over a few different situations that are going on. I was going to write about a few of them today, but I decided to save some for another post.. Here's the first of the many issues I have on my mind:
Child Support Issues / Court Date
Because my son turned 12 this year the day care expenses of my child support dropped off. That's about $50 a week or $200 a month. Unfortunately, because my son goes to a school outside of our district (a charter school), he has no way to get home after school (no busses) and so I still have to pay after-school care. So basically my expenses don't change but I lose $200 a month at a time when like everyone else, I'm already struggling to save money.
Since it's been a few years since our original court appearance I requested a review of our order. The court came back with a reasonable increase but based it on me having our son 290 overnights per year and his dad (I use that term loosly) having him 75 overnights per year. Uh. His dad has NEVER had him overnight except when we were together and I was always there. So now we have to go back to court so I can argue my point. His dad has no visitation rights (never asked for them), so I'm not sure if this is something new the court is doing or what.
I mean, If he is willing to start taking him every other weekend and for a few weeks in the summer - then I'm good with the child support increase as is, otherwise they need to adjust it. I am also going to ask for 50% reimbursement of any day-care expenses that I have. I think that's fair for him to only pay for half of what I actually pay.
Even though I am nervous about having to go to court again, it's not the actual court process that has my thoughts racing. I don't mind going to court, most of the time I get asked for my business card because people think I'm a lawyer. I'm usually in a suit, carrying my attache case and have all of my points outlined and documents prepared. He on the other hand usually comes in wearing his latest Enyce or Sean John looking like he's ready to hang with the fellas. Classy.
What I am more nervous about is his reactionary nature. While he is usually a cool-customer messing with his money gets him angrier than anything else. I've managed to get through the last 12 years unscathed, but I always wonder if he will get mad or desperate enough one day to just say fcuk it and go off. Guess we'll see!
I never back down to a bully, the only people that scare me are the quiet ones.
5 years ago
8 comments:
Drama...
I'm curious, you seem more urbane while he seems to be more urban.
I get hit on by a lot of women but many can't understand why I say "no thank you". I'm still a bit of a "ho" but would'nt want to hook-up with someone that I might get pregnant and not be able to deal with.
What did you see in the guy to begin with? (Don't say anything bad, he is still the father of your child).
Way back in 1992... I was working for a company that had many different departments. I used to have to walk through his department to get to mine. Back then he would wear his Tommy Hilfiger or Nautica polo shirts, baggy (not saggy) jeans with his Rockports. He was a little preppy looking and I liked that. Other than his looks what first attracted me was his laugh. He has the most engaging and pure laugh. It's deep and strong and everytime I would hear him laugh I would smile.
After about a year he transferred to my department and I had to train him.. The rest is history. There is a lot in between then and now, but the reality is that he changed into something, someone who blames others for things he does not have. And things are what seem to make him happy.
Once upon a time he was my dream, my love, my thought, my life, my hope. But I changed too, I grew up.
Well I have family in your situation and I'm really encouraged that you remain calm and seem to want to be fair. Life is funny especially when you invite outside people into yours. You never know what really motivates people and what their true needs and wants are.
Thanks for answering.
Things (and people) change.
It's just odd. I wear a lot of Armani, Hugo Boss, and a bunch of other stuff found at Saks. The thing is - they have no labels or logos. Women often assume that I can't afford all of the "name brand" stuff from the local Dillards. I work for people who are just getting started in business (usually for free)and work where they have a need.Sometimes it's not glamorous and many women assume that a certain job is what I do for a living (I retired ten years ago at 33). I have rental houses in a bad part of town and most people assume that that is where I live (I have a fully swanked out house that is fully paid for in one of the best subdivisions of town).
What I'm trying to say is that most people don't understand the difference between the flossin' and the actual situation.
I'm often called bourgeois by those that have a lot more affectations than myself.
I hope you get what you need and continue to do well with it.
UBJ - If you look good and you feel good, no one should care where you bought your clothes or whos name is on your tag. And if they do care... well then you know all you need to know.
And btw, how lovely for you to be able to help others out when they are starting their businesses. That is a gift and wonderful of you to share with others!
Hey there!
You have to use the court system to your advantage...and you are wise in doing your homework and showing up prepared...
You do not have to go to court offering to have him pay HALF...ask to have him pay THE ENTIRE THING and let the judge decide that it should be half.
You don't have to walk in the court asking for sooo little when you are doing ALL of the parenting.
Stand up for yourself.
Don't settle.
Don't try to use the court to MAKE a man spend time with his child because that never works...and the child feels the abandonment...if that man doesn't want to be a father then he needs to pay more for the days that YOU HAVE your child.
And to my sistas out there, PLEEEEEASE stop letting yourselves be impregnated by men who have not married you because the statistics reveal that black women who have marital status DO tend to fare better with non-black judges in child support cases than black women who do not.
Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa
Good words.
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