Part 2 to the Attention Deficit Series
In 1998 when our son was 2, we got pregnant again. By the time I figured out I was pregnant, the pregnancy had self-terminated and I was in the process of losing it. I felt bad at the time and worse later after we broke up, when I knew that was probably the last chance I had at giving my son a full-biological sibling.
Now that I'm 34 I know that the chances of my finding a husband with so few children that he wants to have 1 or 2 more with me before my eggs dry up or become no good are slim at best. For a while it was a constant thought through my mind... What do I do? Do I just find some random guy or a guy I know and get pregnant? Nah, that's not really me. Besides do I know anyone that I want to deal with forever in that way? Nope. Been there, done that.
Sperm bank? Nah - that's just not me either. International Adoption? Can't really afford it on my own and my employer doesn't offer assistance. My mind stopped at many random places but my thoughts didn't get anywhere.
One day I was in the kitchen having these circular thoughts running through my mind. How do I get a little girl with no husband, no potential husband at the moment, and without having a ton of money to spend on adoption? As I was walking into my dining room this voice - an internal voice of no specific gender, and not my voice said: "adopt from foster care" - I stopped dead in my tracks. Wow. Huh. Ok.
I took a moment to take it all in, it just seemed so simple. There are kids, African American kids, Bi-racial kids, Caucasian kids, Hispanic kids, all waiting for good homes and good parents. As soon as I recoverd from that pause in time (it was like the movies when time stops and you get a messege from a higher power (usually Morgan Freeman, lol))
Anyway - I started my Internet research, found an Agency, called - they had a class starting next week, went to all of my classes, got background checked, fingerprinted, had my physicals done, gave my references, filled out at least 3 or 4 large packets of information about my parents, growing up, how I raise my son, and everything in between. Everything just fell into place and nothing was diffiult. It was like I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing and the path was being paved for me.
I successfully passed all of my classes and my home study, now I just have to find the little girl that is supposed to be a part of our family. I've called on 2 so far.... Ayana** - A beautiful little 2 year old girl with dark hair and big beautiful brown eyes. Her foster mother decided to adopt her. And Eleana** a one year old little bundle of pure love. I submitted my request on 9/29, and I know the agency had a lot of requests for her. I'm still waiting to hear something, but I find comfort in the feeling that when the right little girl is ready it won't be hard. The path will be cleared for me and will be as easy as the rest of the process has been so far. So I'm not fighting it. I'm just... waiting...
**names changed
5 years ago
8 comments:
I must be really dense. I thought people would just go to the local orphanage, choose, pick up a child and leave. But now that I think of it, is there such a thing as an orphanage in America?
Question, have you thought about looking into an older child perhaps? They say they are usually harder to place than babies. Although I would think of them as young people whose personalities have already been developed and therefore easier for me to figure out if they would fit in.
Anyway, if you have already found the one you think who will be good for you and your family, then I wish you good luck on getting her.
This post totally touched my soul. I haved wanted to do the same thing, but I can't do it as a single man, working nights. I just feel it would be irresponsible. If I got a foster child, it would have to be an older child. I actually looked into the about two years ago.
I'm getting older with no children ( I was a ho and never wanted to settle down). I was thinking of adopting a foster child myself.
I've spent so much time helping to raise other people's children - only to have the parents teach them the same ish that required my help to begin with.
Adoption? Hmmm...
Curious - there may be a few orphanages still in operation.. I know of one near me that was still housing children and teens through 2005, but most kids these days are in individual foster care homes. My age range for a child is from 1 - 7, I would like to enjoy the early years of baby dolls and pink everything and coloring books. Those years go by so quickly.
One Man - Thanks darlin'! Even with an older child, being left home alone all night can feel uncomfortable and lonely. If you ever find yourself working days then you could do it for sure.
UBJ - Sounds like you took good care to prevent kids during your "ho" days and that's a good thing. Lucky for men they can usually produce kids forever and can wait until they are 40 or 50 or older to settle down and have a family - and still do it the traditional way (I'm a little jealous!)
I think if you are still not ready to settle down with a partner but you are interested in being a dad then foster care / adoption is such a great way to go. Once you start looking at these kids and hearing their stories you just want to go get them all and give them a good life. You don't have to be perfect or rich or famous. Kids just need love, discipline and structure and someone to call mom or dad.
There are so many good kids in the foster care programs. Single parents can adopt, gay parents can adopt and while there is still some controversy about it you can even adopt transracially.
There are some websites available.... www.adoptuskids.org is the national one.. and some states have their own. In Michigan there are 6,000 kids in foster care and only 290 individual pictures on the website... so what you see online is just the tip of the iceberg.
Runningmom, so I'm looking at that website that you listed and I'm thinking after looking at some of the pictures and reading the mini-bios of the kids that if I were to go down that route, I would have to be prepared for more than I would expect. It's not something to jump into without full disclosure and information. Am I right?
Sometimes that's true. I will tell you that when you go through the process they give you the worst case scenario so that you are prepared mentally. However - there are "normal" kids in the system - they just might not be listed on the website. The reality is that the normal kids usually get adopted first - so there aren't as many of them (sans issues) that might be listed.
But lets talk about your typical teen or pre-teen (I will use my biological son as an example): Young 12 year old boy, loves sports, gets along with peers and does well in school. Can sometimes be defiant and or disrespectful toward authority figures. Suffers from mild mood swings (lol) - any way you get the picture. He's a boy, he's a pre-teen, he is going to act out. As will any kid. The thing is, you don't just say "I want that one" and then you have a kid forever. You meet the child, you spend some time with the child, you have some overnight visits, then you have some weekend visits, then you have the child on a 6 month trial and if everything is working out then the adoption goes through. So by that time I think that you know what you are getting into and if you want to commit or not.
Oh and you can adopt from any state.... It doesn't have to be just in the state you live in.
Runningmom-
What a beautiful post, thanks for sharing- thanks for opening your heart and home and your family to another blessing.
Keep us posted, am keeping my fingers crossed for you.
God Bless!
KG
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