Annoyed.

I got invited to a single mom's group through one of my friends. This group meets once a month at the church she attends and does something fun. Today we had a little food, a little pampering (the Mary Kay lady came and did hand treatments and facials) and we had a lot of laughs, a lot! It took us more than 3 hours to get through something that should have taken 30 minutes because we were having so much fun.

Here's the thing... I don't go to church because in my experience, pastors, preachers, deacons, ministers, whatever you want to call them - are hypocrites. In fact, many people in the church are hypocritical. I can't deal with it and still feel like I can like you the next day. In addition, I also feel like a lot of what is in the bible was based on who had the power, who wanted the power and what were they willing to do or say to get the power. So because of that, I'm just not one of the "believers" that's going to say, well the bible said... and live my life according to someone elses interpretation of what that means. I can't do it. I'm comfortable with a lot of things in the church, but if I feel like I'm being manipulated or worked over - I'm OUT.

So anyway... we're having a good 'ol time laughing, cracking jokes, etc. till someone starts talking about Tyler Perry. Lawd, why do we have to keep talking about this man. Leave him be! So one lady says something about TP, and another chimes in about him being gay, and another chimes in about him being engaged to a model. And I'm like - dude is gay, if the gay's say he is gay, and the gay's do say he is gay, then dude is gay. Folks just need to leave him alone and let him be who he is.

OMG, all eyes on me. So, they say - he just needs to pray on it and God will fix his gayness. God will fix it if only he prays to be "healed" - WHAT!?!?! All these ladies could tell by the look on my face that I was not falling for it. I said, um no - if the dude is gay, he's gay, or bi-sexual even but still gay, end of story. So, they say - you don't think that God can heal his gayness through prayer? Um no - I said: "no, I do not think that prayer or God can ultimately change the true sexuality of anyone, I don't." To which one lady replied "well then if you don't believe that, then you don't believe that God can do all things, be all things and heal all things"

Ok - lets just talk about that for a second. I believe in a higher power. I believe in prayer, I believe in the power of good intention, I believe that we are all destined for another life in another place in a different level of consiousness. I believe in a lot of things. I don't believe that homosexuals need to be "fixed" - WTF? I don't believe that homosexuality is wrong. I don't believe that homosexuals need prayer or healing or anything else that would be used to change who they are as it relates to their choice of partner regardless of gender. I don't. There isn't any thing to fix. (I thought all of this in my head..not out loud)

So then the lady says, "well then I will pray for you to believe that he can" - to which I replied "great, I'll let you know if it works" LOL!

She was caught off guard by that for sure. But she appreciated my honesty - or so she said. We were still having a good time talking and discussing and bantering back and forth but I know that I lit a little fire in a few of those folks. It's all good. I gave them something to think about which probably doesn't happen too often.

I can't be part of the flock. I can't believe all of what they believe, I can't agree with many things that "the bible" says. I just can't. I'm annoyed because all of my life I have fought for things that others dismiss. All of my life my thought process has gone outside of the norm and into realms that should be unknown to me but aren't. I'm annoyed because sometimes I feel like I am missing the weight that secures me to a community, a church, a home, a family, a confidant. I'm annoyed because I feel like I can only share my thoughts if I am willing to be the odd (wo)man out.

I'm annoyed because my separation feels like a curse when I know that it's a blessing. I am part of the higher power, I am part of the enlightenment, I am one of many that can share a different view point and get you to think. Sometimes I think ignorance is bliss. How simple it must be to KNOW that God is the truth and everything in him will be. To accept it, to know it, to feel it, to live it. Life must be wonderful under that umbrella.

But I can't get under, I won't get under. I need to make sure that I can feel the rain on my face, and the cool water on my skin. It's how I know I'm still alive. Me. It's who I am.

Think I'll get invited back?

Never Say Never?

Did I say I would never get another piercing? I think I said I would never get another tattoo.... the piercing is a definite maybe after seeing these pics... HOT!

Rihanna's rings are ok...

But Cassie's barbell's are fabulous!

Hmmm.......

Only 1

Only 1 person in my life knows about this blog. Due to his movie obsession we'll call him Net.flix. Obviously I trust Net.flix immensely. I know for a fact he can keep a secret, but that's another story for another day, lol.

I surprised Net.flix with my 1 out of 4 post. In case anyone is wondering, 1 out of 4 was the statistic last I heard, of women will be raped in their lifetime. 1 out of 4. Let that marinate for a second. How many women do you have in your family? How many sisters? How many daughters? How many aunties? How many friends? 1 out of 4.

How many women have you dated in your lifetime? If it's more than 4, then likely one of them has been raped.

There was an interesting article in the NYTimes Online shortly after I wrote my post. Here is a link and a excerpt that moved me:

Click for original article by Nicholas D. Kristof

“The criminal justice system is still ill equipped to deal with rape and not that good at moving rape cases forward,” notes Sarah Tofte, who just wrote a devastating report for Human Rights Watch about the rape-kit backlog. The report found that in Los Angeles County, there were at last count 12,669 rape kits sitting in police storage facilities. More than 450 of these kits had sat around for more than 10 years, and in many cases, the statute of limitations had expired.

There are no good national figures, and one measure of the indifference is that no one even bothers to count the number of rape kits sitting around untested.

Why don’t police departments treat rape kits with urgency? One reason is probably expense — each kit can cost up to $1,500 to test — but there also seems to be a broad distaste for rape cases as murky, ambiguous and difficult to prosecute, particularly when they involve (as they often do) alcohol or acquaintance rape.

“They talk about the victims’ credibility in a way that they don’t talk about the credibility of victims of other crimes,” Ms. Tofte said.

Net.flix and I were talking today and he said that he never knew this story. In the 8 years he has known me, he never knew that I had been raped. It certainly wasn't a secret, I have told people in my life, just never with this amount of detail, never with the admission of the guilt that I felt. Only that it happened, and I moved on. It got me to thinking about the people that read my blog, the men that read, the women that read. We have all been touched by shame or guilt in one form or another in our lives. You just might not know it. Hug the women in your life and let them know that they are loved unconditionally.

I can't even being to explain the relief that I felt in my heart after I got this story out of my body. Have you ever noticed that when you really go after something, things start to fall into place almost effortlessly? "For every action there is an equal reaction" but without action, there is nothing.

I heard Dr. Maya Angelou speaking on the radio the other day. She said that she doesn't allow words of hate to be spoken in her home. She doesn't allow people to disparage the character of others in her home. Dr. Angelou believes that words are physical. When you speak hate in your home or allow hate to be spoken in your home the words land on the table. The more hate, the more words accumulate... on the walls... in your clothes.... in your bed... pretty soon the hate begins to stick to your skin and get into your bones. Then it gets into your heart.

I want my heart to be free to love instead of fear. I want Net.flix to know how much I appreciate him as my friend, even though I know that he thinks he isn't deserving. True friends love without judgement, speak without malice, share without fear, trust without wavering.

LOL - No words necessary!

1 out of 4

I walked down the hall and heard manly laughter coming out of his room. I glanced in as I walked by, embarrassed by the anal sex porn on the TV as 10 guys sat in a semi-circle around it watching, laughing, "hey you want to come in?" they laughed. I admit I was curious. Is this what men do? They watch anal sex for fun? Why? It's gross, who would do that? Why would they do that? Does it hurt? Wouldn't it? Or... maybe it doesn't...

Hey, you want to go with me to this party? I had to check to make sure he was talking to me. He was tall, muscular, played hockey for the college. He had been seen on campus with a few different girls. Some black, some white, some other, all tall, all beautiful, unlike me. At 5'3" I barely came up to his shoulder. I was "cute" not beautiful. I was 17, not sophisticated. I wore glasses and I was overweight. Why was he talking to me? "Sure" was my reply.

We walked from our dorm to the party. No cars allowed on campus for freshman. It was a nice night anyway. Well into fall when you get a few nice Indian Summer days, the air in the country was clean and smelled like fresh cut wood and smoke from bonfires. We got to the party and met up with some other people. He knew more of them than I did. I was shy, embarrassed. I didn't know if he really liked me or if somehow I was the joke of the day, a trick, a dare.

You ready to go? he asked... Yes. I had a few drinks, was feeling the carefree, young-and-inspired, let-me-scream-out-to-the-world-and-hear-the-world-answer-feeling of a young girl out on her own for the first time. I liked this boy. I wondered if he was going to kiss me or just walk me to my room and say goodnight.

Do you want to come to my room? he shyly asked. Um, sure. Ok but you have to be quiet, my roommate is sleeping on the bottom bunk. Come up to the top with me. I knew I didn't really want to be in his bed but we were in college in a 12 x 12 room with no real furniture except for the bed, the desks and a few folding chairs.

He climbed up ahead of me, straightening the sheets and pillows. Black satin sheets. Worn enough so they weren't slippery, but still soft. I climbed up the stairs, trying to be quiet so we didn't wake his roommate. Laughing, nervous, excited, naive. He kissed me with his soft full lips, god he was beautiful. What was he doing with me? He started to kiss my breasts, then lower. He removed my shirt, bra, pants, panties. I let him. I wanted him. I couldn't believe he wanted me too.

He flipped me over and lifted my hips. I felt him push against me. Wait, that's not the right... Wait! What are you doing? Don't! Stop! He held me down with his body weight, his left hand wrapped around both of my wrists, his arm pinning me to the bed. His legs heavy over mine, I tried to kick, I tried to roll him off of me, I couldn't move. He pressed my head into the pillow to muffle my cries as he pushed himself inside of me. Like the movie. Oh my god it's like the movie. He came inside of me as I screamed and cried, pain ripping through my body like I had never felt.

There was blood, cum and tears all mixed together in my head. You have to get him off of you. You have to get out! He passed out behind me. Shaking I climbed down the stairs and ran down the hall to my room. The roommate. Why didn't he hear my screams? Why didn't he get up and help me? Did he hear him rape me? Did he let him rape me and do nothing?

The shower was hot, burning against my skin on the outside like the shame was burning against my insides. As I crumpled to the floor in shock I felt his seed leak out of my bowels. He. Raped. Me.

The bruises on my wrists were visible the next day. Pain and shame were there too but unlike the bruises, they were invisible to everyone but me. I liked him. I drank with him. I got into his bed with him. I wanted to have sex with him. But not like that. NOT LIKE THAT! It's my fault. I did this. I saw them watch that video. I was curious and intrigued by what I saw. But wait. I said no. I SAID NO! I begged him to stop didn't I? Didn't I tell him to stop? Yes shame, yes guilt, yes pain, you begged him to stop.

Oh my god there he is. A girl on each arm. He's not beautiful, he's pathetic. He sees me. He pauses. "Are you ok, I am so sorry" he says. I feel the shame rise to my cheeks. He thinks it's ok. He thinks that what he did only deserved a simple apology as his two groupies hang on each word wondering why he is speaking to me, but not really caring.

I walked away without saying a word. I never said a word. I never ever said a word. And have since forgotten his name.

Go State, Go State!

Since I am from Michigan I will be a State fan today (OMG, it was such a GREAT game!)

... but on Monday, I'm rooting for North Carolina

Yep, We're Going!

Monday's Musings

I got a ticket a few weeks ago for "failure to stop leaving a private drive." There was no one around, the view from my work driveway is spectacular, you can see all the way down the road in both directions, I yielded, clear, go - there's also no STOP sign... none of that mattered though when the State Trooper did a u-turn in the middle of the street to pull me over. AssHat.

When I went for my first pre-hearing, the lobby was full of folks there for similar reasons. The deal? We'll waive your points if you pay the fine. Um no. I'm not paying it.

Ok, well you can schedule a hearing. Ok. It was a State Trooper who pulled you over, so he will likely be here. Ok.

Had my hearing this morning. I was all prepared with 8"x 10" photos of the driveway, distance and lack of stop sign. I figured I had a 50/50 shot. The trooper didn't show up. Case dismissed!
No points, no fine. Happy Monday for me.
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I missed my son while he was gone... I got a few things on my list done. I cleaned out his room and closet. Use a ton of Lysol wipes, dusted, vacuumed, organized, etc. I have a whole basket of clothes ready to donate to friends or goodwill.

I would have gone to the gym, but... a.) I have water on my knee, which hurts like hell, I can barely climb the stairs let alone go to yoga or go running.. and b.) I was quite depressed last week. Maybe more on that later, maybe not.
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Got a fabulous new pair of Anne Klein loafers from Over.stock today. Been hunting all over town for an appropriate replacement for the Franco Sarto loafers that my mom's puppy chewed. Took forever to find them, but it was worth the wait..
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Hey UBJ, just saw a commercial for the Verizon Hub! From your lips to mainstream America.
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Ok.. I think that's enough rambling for today. Have to go work on my Marketing Final...

Still Alive...

I'm still here!! Wrapped up my Algebra class at the end of last week. My final grade?



B- !!!



Thanks to everyone who offered prayer, support and a little bit of "quit your whining and get to work" - work I did, and it paid off. It isn't an 'A', but I will take it.

Yesterday I got my son off to D.C. for the week. He arrived safely and is hopefully having a great time. I sent him with my digital camera which may or may not have been a good idea.. lol. Guess I will find out on Friday!

I'm a little behind on my reading... UBJ has posted 5 times since I last logged on.... So I will be back later to read and hopefully post some more.

Have a great day!

RM

Emancipation: freeing someone from the control of another.

This week I threw my girlfriend an "emancipation party" ...she is getting a divorce and needed a little cheering up, some good drinks, good food and a "B.O.B."

That's a "battery operated boyfriend" for those of you not in the know.. They also have T.O.M. they have a different acronym for this one, but I like mine better... "The other man", lol.

So... I've always been a little uninhibited with my sexuality - I don't like to share, but I like to experiment and have fun, not afraid to try new things, laugh, make weird noises with my body, make good use of props and when there's no boyfriend (and even sometimes when there is) I like to have a good backup.

This girlfriend didn't own a vibrator. She had sex 4 times last year... and she was MARRIED! That's just crazy to me. I like my boyfriend/husband to be ok with the fact that I have a vibrator. I have been known to send text messages about what I'm doing to myself while he's away.. lol

Even if your man (or woman) is sexually satisfiying you, isn't it just more fun to play? I have a little bit of a collection... I got rid of a lot of things I had accumulated over the years (that was an interesting trash week!) But somethings are just a staple for a woman to have...

The bullet:

Good for clitoral stimulation... holding in your hand while playing with your mans balls during oral sex... stimulating his nipples... and if you are feeling really adventurous you can insert it into you prior to inserting him... however, please watch for loose wires.. lol.

The vibrator:

For you to use, or your man to use on you... my ex used to like to watch me....

Anyway! We had some margaritas, some good food, chocolate and fruit for dessert and lots of laughs with the sex toy lady. Most of us women have been to a "Pu.re Rom.ance" party... essentially a sex toy party for women only in your home. It's the new Tupp.erware party, lol.

So next time your gf or wife says she has a "girls-only" party to go to, slip her a $100 on the way out and she might just bring something home for you.....

Here's the newest member of my team:

What say you blogger fam? Toys or no toys?

Dreams... Updates.. Etc.

So I was reading blogs late last night and I had a dream about one of the authors. I woke up this morning thinking damn! I'm dreaming about a guy I have never met and never talked to. We were on a boat, on vacation - together. He was disappointed in me because I didn't meet his expectations. So I left. And woke up confused and pissed! I still have love for him though!

My dating life is nonexistant. I haven't seen or talked to the one I love. My son's father is still trying to get in my pants. I don't know if I finally grew up or just finally got over him, but he no longer turns me on. He tries and tries and tries and I'm just not interested. Yay for me, too bad for him.

Math is keeping me busy. I have been going to the tutor twice a week, doing all of my homework plus some extra, going to class, meeting with my study partner. A few of the sections I actually ENJOYED! Testing remains a problem for me... first test D-, second and third tests, C- on both. I guess I should feel good to some degree, most of my classmates failed the last test. I just have a few weeks left.. overall I have a 78% which is not acceptable to me, but I'm giving myself a "pass" on this one. I'm giving it my best, a 78% might be all I can do in 12 weeks.

Along with math I added another online class. Homework every day... arggh I can't wait to be done with school so I can have my life back. I decided to go full time for my last 12 classes. I want to be done by the end of this year. Working FT, going to school FT plus running a household and raising a teenage son by myself is a little hectic. Some days I feel like I have Altzheimers.

I was trying to remember the last name of my college boyfriend. I can't. I can remember his best friends last name... but not his.

Has anyone noticed that our youth have decided that nothing is plural or possessive anymore? "Are you at your grandma house?"... "He on my football team"..."We going to play basketball at Joe house"... That gets on my nerves! At what point did this start happening? What happened to all the "S's?" Everytime I hear a child in my presence do this I start complaining. Too bad many parents have also fallen into the habit...

My son is going on a trip at the end of the month. I will have from Sunday evening until Friday afternoon to myself. No practices, no games, no picking up or dropping off from school. No helping with homework, no extra laundry, no extra mess. If I had a man, I would be free to have him stay over! I plan to use my time wisely.. I will go to yoga and relax, get into the gym and sweat and attempt to go running and challenge myself. I will clean the closets and donate to charity or friends all of the clothes, jackets and shoes that no longer fit my ever growing son. And I will try to meet friends for dinner at least one of the 5 evenings I will have alone. At least... that's the plan now.....

Love you all.. hope you're well!

RM.

Thirteen Years

Photo Credit: Anne Geddes

Thirteen years ago today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. It was a cold but beautiful sunny day. I woke up about 7:00 am starving as usual. Because I'm short, there was really nowhere for my internal organs to go so they just got squished by the baby. Consequently, I would go from starving to full in about 3 bites.

I went to the bathroom, then headed to the kitchen for a bowl of cereal. When I sat down to eat, I didn't feel very good. My stomach had that queasy feeling but since I was starving I felt like I needed to eat. About 5 minutes later I felt like I peed on myself a little. LOL anyone who has had a baby knows this is not out of the ordinary, but since that hadn't yet happened to me, I was mortified.

After going back into the bathroom to clean up, I decided to go lay back down for a while. I started having mini contractions so I called my girlfriend and told her that I thought that I was maybe in labor. She was still in bed so she told me to call her back when I knew for sure and hung up!

The contractions started getting a little stronger, so I decided to give my doctor a call. As I was waiting on the phone I was pacing the floor, walking back & forth. When I went to sit down on the bed my water broke - Oh shit! Yep, I'm in labor.

The dr. told me not to rush to the hospital, take my time and he would see me in a while. I called my girlfriend (she was my ride and birth partner) and then got in the shower. After shaving my legs, putting on some makeup and fixing my hair, we finally left for the hospital.

Just a few hours later with one girlfriend taking pictures and the other cutting the cord, we welcomed my little sweet boy into the world.

I love you my son. Happy 13th Birthday!

Don't Divorce My Family and Friends

Ken Starr, who led the campaign to impeach President Bill Clinton, filed a legal brief last month -- on behalf of the "Yes on 8" campaign -- that would forcibly divorce 18,000 same-sex couples that were married in California last year before the passage of Prop 8.

Watch "Fidelity" and sign our letter to the state Supreme Court before they hear oral arguments in the case on March 5. Tell the Supreme Court to invalidate Prop 8, reject Ken Starr's case, and let loving, committed couples marry. DEADLINE EXTENDED: March 2. 224,783 people have signed this letter (as of Friday, February 13). Our new Courage Campaign community goal is 250,000 signers. Will you add your name now?:

http://www.couragecampaign.org/page/s/repealprop8



Love will prevail - Happy Valentine's Day!

Offers I can resist... The freak, the cheat and the dirty old man.

TGIF!

There are just some offers I have no problem refusing...All true, all today. Seriously.

Offer 1 "The freak":

My Son's Father: So, how about I get a bottle of Patron and one of those all in one lace bodysuits, and come over?

Me: For what?!?

SF: So you can put it on for me.

Me: No.

SF: Ok what about a cowgirl outfit?

Me: WTF? Seriously? No!

SF: Why not?

Me: I'm not country!

SF: So, you don't have to be country to ride.

Me: NO!

Offer 2 "The cheat":

This offer came from a guy I used to casually see but never slept with. He has a serious shoe & thigh-high fetish and had the nerve to marry a girl who he knew wouldnt play along. They had a baby a few months back (presumably from one of the 2 times they had sex.. )

Via text: My wife has only had sex with me twice since January of 2008.

Me: wow? really? that sucks!

Text: Yeah, I know. I think I might start cheatin'

Me: Don't do that, just talk to her.

Text: I have talked to her, she said I could cheat, just don't tell her.

Me: Maybe she should see a Dr.

Text: She says she is just tired.

Me: wow, I really think she should see someone but ok.

Text: Remember when you put on those thigh-highs and peep-toe heels and met me at the bar. Then afterward in the car you........

Me: lol, yeah. That was fun.

Text: So what are you doing tonight?

Me: oooh, I'm busy, call me when your divorce is final!

Offer 3 "The dirty old man":

Offer 3 came from my old man friend (16 years older than me) who I love to look at but not touch. Why? Cause everytime I see him, I think, wow he is so cute. He doesn't look 51! Then he gets to talkin'. Ugh. Gets on my damn nerves. Just sit there and look good!

Old man: Whatchu doin?

Me: Just got home, about to take a nap (that was true, till I decided to blog instead)

Old man: Oh, you should have told me, I would come over in my jammies and rub on you. (Yes he really said "jammies")

Me: lol, you're funny

Old man: I would rub on you, and hold you, and sleep next to you, then help you with your math homework and rub on you some more, then have dinner, then rub on you some more, then you could be dessert...

Me: lol, wow, all that?

Old man: Yeah, I'm taking it slow with you, cause I know you're not ready, but I'm going to get in you in 2009.

Me: Oh wow, ok, I'm going to take a nap, I'll call you later (like sometime next year...)

If I were a boy....

My top 5, if I were a boy......

OAS Oral Allergy Syndrome

I am allergic to penicillin, and have severe food intolerance reactions to artificial sweetener, turkey, and blue cheese, and a mild food intolerance to cantelope, and honeydew melon.

In addition, when I eat I often get these hivey-blotchy spots on my chest. They don't itch, they don't travel, they are just there for a while and then they go away.

So I finally decide to go see an allergist today to see what he can tell me. I want to know what else maybe I am allergic to in food that is causing this reaction and what (if anything) I can do about it.

This guy was quirky and weird and a little on the odd side, but he was thorough and had to explain everything in detail. By the time I walked out of there I felt like an expert!

So... penicillin is made from: mold.
Blue cheese is made from: mold.
Red wine and beer give me headaches.... and the hops or something in beer and wine can sometimes contain: mold

Seeing a common factor here? Right! I'm allergic to MOLD!

Come to find out, there are a lot of people who have cross-reactions from allergins like mold, ragweed, and pollen - to food. What? Yep.

People (like me) who are allergic to mold may also have food sensitivity to the following foods:

Foreign cheese of all kinds (I'm a cheese fanatic)
Sour cream (eh, I can take it or leave it... mostly leave it)
Buttermilk (leave it)
Beer and wine (who knew!?!?)
Vinegar and vinegar-containing foods like mayo, salad dressing, ketchup, pickles, pickled beets, green olives (I almost ALWAYS use balsamic vinegarette on my salad)
Sauerkraut (leave it)
Mushrooms (eew, leave it)
All dried fruits such as apricots, dates, prunes, figs and raisins.
Canned tomatoes
Cider
Soy sauce (I LOVE sushi and soy has to go on sushi)
Melons especially cantelope (!!!)
Some breads made with vinegar

No wonder I break out in hives all the time. Much of this list is stuff I eat on the regular.

Still interested?

If you are allergic to Birch pollen, you may also have a food reaction to: peach, apple, plum, cherry, apricot, strawberry, pear, almond, hazelnut, potato, carrot and celery.

If you are allergic to Grass pollen, you may also have a food reaction to: tomato, melon and watermelon.

If you are allergic to Mugwort (weeds), you may also have a food reaction to: apple, celery, carrot, peanut and kiwi.

If you are allergic to Ragweed (one of the worst for seasonal allergies), you may also have a food reaction to: banana, melon, honey, cucumber, zucchini, watermelon and chamomile.

When my brother eats bananas his mouth and throat itches. The same thing happens to me when I eat cantelope or honeydew melon, but not watermelon.

So... I still don't know why Turkey and diet soda gives me the runs, or why sugar-free gum gives me migranes, or really why I break out in hives so often.. but I have a better idea.
I'm going to start watching my food labels a little closer.. and he is going to do the skin allergy test in a few weeks. I'll let you know how it goes. Does anyone in blog-world have food or other allergies?

Punishment

This post by Super Dave reminded me of the time I called my mom a bitch under my breath. I forget what I wanted or what I was trying to do, but I remember my dad was downstairs in his easy chair in front of the TV. I was pissed at my mom about something and as I was on my way upstairs to my room I called her a bitch to myself. Or so I thought.

Apparently my pops had some supersonic ears or I wasn't as quiet as I thought.

Next thing I remember I was sprauled out in the middle of my room laying on top of what used to be my desk chair. The chair was destroyed by the impact of my body after I was thrown through space and time.

Gotta love that old man strength.. ouch.

Simple Math

Lots of diversity posts going on these days. Lots of discussions about inter-racial dating, what's black, what's not. Who's black, who isn't. Lot's of black women happy Obama married a black woman. Lot's of black women angry when they see a black man with a non-black woman. Lot's of black women not willing to date or marry a non-black man. Lots of black women mad because there aren't enough "good black men" to go around for them, let alone share with the rest of the world. Lots of black men unwilling to date a non-black woman for fear of being a sell-out.

Most black folks still agree if you look black, you are black. So I say, do your part to create as many black folks as possible!

White man + white woman * 3 kids = 3 white kids
Black man + black woman * 3 kids = 3 black kids
Asian man + asian woman * 3 kids = 3 asian kid

Black man + white woman * 3 kids = 3 black kids
White man + black woman * 3 kids = 3 black kids
Asian man + black woman * 3 kids = 3 black kids
Black man + asian woman * 3 kids = 3 black kids


If every black person reproduces with a non-black person, soon there will be no non-black people left. At least... not very many!

..........What will divide us then?

Diversity Rules

From the NY Times Online: Click here for full article

"...Cousins journeyed from the South Carolina town where the first lady’s great-great-grandfather was born into slavery, while the rabbi in the family came from the synagogue... The president and first lady’s siblings were there, too, of course: his Indonesian-American half-sister, who brought her Chinese-Canadian husband, and her brother, a black man with a white wife." (J. Kantor, 2009)

"The family that produced Barack and Michelle Obama is black and white and Asian, Christian, Muslim and Jewish. They speak English; Indonesian; French; Cantonese; German; Hebrew; African languages including Swahili, Luo and Igbo; and even a few phrases of Gullah, the Creole dialect of the South Carolina Lowcountry." (J. Kantor, 2009)

This is why so many Americans identify with the Robinson / Obama family. Diversity is a wonderful thing.

A change we can believe in

I paid a visit to Torrance's (aka RDB) blog today. I didn't like all that I saw (please be forwarned of graphic pics before you visit), but I did like this statement that he made in response to a comment on his blog:

"That's what makes America great, we can walk side by side and not see eye to eye, it's the freedom to say it, I will never dislike a person because we dont agree"

Amen to that. I'm happy about and enlightened by all viewpoints. I'm not the deepest thinker in the world, and my blog isn't at all serious - but like many readers, I appreciate a good debate.
I'm happy for Obama and his family, I am happy that my son has someone who looks like him, is left handed and loves basketball like him as the President of the U.S.

But that doesn't mean I have forgotten all of the rest of the ills in the world.

Everyone needs balance and everyone has their own reality.

For me, I watched and celebrated today because even though it shouldn't be a big deal - our first Bi-racial / African American president got elected into office! And that IS a big deal. We have changed the face of the nation forever. It's been a long time coming, and I couldn't be more proud of our nation.

Imagine how much better we'll be as a whole when we come together to make future changes. We have seen for ourselves what we can do when we collectively exclaim "Yes we can!"

Think we would have the same attitude or spirit if McCain was in office? Nope.

Let Obama be who he is meant to be: Our leader, our face, our hope.

And then we - all of us - every last one of us, need to get to work. For ourselves, for our neighbors, for our families, for our country.

We can't help others heal if we're still broken ourselves.

10 Weeks

10 weeks of Algebra... I may be in a comatose state when these 10 weeks are over.

Math is not my favorite subject, but I am trying to embrace it. I have my very last Algebra class (oh thank God) for my Bachelors degree. It started on Monday. I have only slept a few hours since then. Last night I was up till after 2 am with one of my very best friends who was patiently trying to explain the rules of Algebra over and over and over again. The rules that I have so quickly forgotten in the few years since my last Algebra class.

I need a few tutors and as much help as I can locate. It will take a village and a lot of prayer and work to get me through this class. Speaking of prayer, if you can say a quick one for me as you read this, send some good learning energy my way.

I will be back after class today. I have class on Monday & Wednesday (plus work and my son) so the homework due Wednesday from Monday is what killed me this week. I literally only had a few hours of free-time to get through it. Tonights homework won't be due till Monday, so that gives me some more time to focus and learn.

ok - have to get ready. Thanks for listening/reading - RM.

Thursday Thirteen

Everybody has at least a top 5 right? The "list" of excusable famous people that you are allowed to have an affair with if the opportunity arises regardless of your current relationship status. Me too.. only mine is going to be the top 13 today... I'll leave it up to you to pick who you think my top 5 are...

Who's on your list?

Curiosity....

Regarding a previous post, Curious said: "Okay, I don't know if you take requests, but if you do I need to get a post that will expand Random Things #5 because I couldn't read anything further. I need to know how it came about, when you decided to get it, is it more for aesthetics or does it have a physical appeal and to round it all up, will there be more? You should know you can't leave a brother hanging like that when he's only slightly on this side of freaky. Oh and for a bonus points, you can tell me how you feel about men with Prince Albert's, yea or nay. I've been thinking of ... well lets just say I've been thinking"



Since I seem to have insomnia tonight... consider your request granted. For those of you still reading.. the following will likely be TMI and sexually graphic in detail. If you are still reading... consider yourself warned!



Random things #5 said: "I have a piercing below my navel and above my knees"



It came about because like many women, I have a hard time reaching the big "O" with just intercourse. I can get there with help from manual stimulation, oral stimulation, vibrating stimulation, etc. but not from intercourse alone. Even though this is extraordinarily common, I felt like perhaps there was something I could do since I felt like getting me to orgasm was such a production. Guys get there so easy, it's damn frustrating.



I started my research and from all of the things I read, the vertical hood piercing was reported to produce fantastic stimulation during intercourse. My sister-in-law already had a horizontal hood piercing that she really liked, but also wanted to get the vertical piercing.



I was dating someone at the time and thought I should ask him what he thought first. Ha ha, I shouldn't have been concerned! He happily gave his blessing and off we went. The two of us went to a reputable tattoo/piercing place where my SIL got her first one done. First we picked out the gauge of barbell. For this type of piercing, the barbell is curved like this:


We both picked the smallest gauge. She went first and told me I could watch him pierce her. We were in a small very clean room that had a table like at the doctors office. He had a jar of new sharpies, gloves, sterile needles and other items. First he put on gloves then took out her other piercing, cleaned the area and used a new sharpie to mark where the piercing would go.

Then he took a hollow tube in one hand and placed it under the hood of her clit (very few people actually have their clitoris pierced.) With the other hand he prepared the needle using the hollow tube as a guide. One quick movement and the piercing was complete. He then followed the needle with the barbell, screwed on the ball and she was good to go.

My turn!

Since I am a woman and have had a baby, having a guy pierce me was not really a big deal. Many a strange man and woman have seen things on me that I have only witnessed via hand-held mirror.

So the process was the same for me, new gloves, new sharpie, new needle, new tube, new barbell, etc. 1, 2, 3, OUCH!! Shit that hurt! Anyone who has had anything pierced knows that burning hot sensation that you get with the pain... this was no different. It felt like my clit was on fire!

The pain lasted about 3 hours and then it was only a twinge here and there.

So... that was 4 years and 4 boyfriends ago... So far no complaints from any of them, lol. I can't feel it when I am just walking around or anything, it does help with stimulation a little, but really not enough that I would do it again. My SIL on the other hand said that hers gave her way too much stimulation so she had to take it out. I don't think she ever got the other one put back in.

I like the shock factor it gives when someone I am dating finds out there might be more to me than meets the eye... ;)

Other than that one and my ears, I don't have any more piercings. I have considered having the gauge changed to see if that made a difference, but I don't really think it will. I have no plans to get any more!

As for men and Prince Albert's, it's really not my thing. I wouldn't want my man to get a piercing on his penis. That probably sounds super hypocritical, lol. Even though I consider myself to be open sexually and up for experimentation, I generally don't like the look/idea of body piercings, and think that for me, this was more of a functional piercing rather than just for aesthetics.

My first blog honor

I started this blog as an outlet for thoughts and expressions that I have been carrying with me for years, but felt unable to share with people I know. Through reading other blogs and searching back in my life I have come to understand how intimately connected we are to each other through our lives, experiences and feelings.


I appreciate all of the bloggers who visit, comment, inspire and encourage. And I am honored to be nominated for this blogger award by one of my very favorite bloggers: Ugly Black John . If you aren't a reader already, check him out!




To keep the honors moving and to encourage others on their journey, here are 10 bloggers who inspire me:


Mr. Slish: http://mrslish.wordpress.com/
I started reading this blog waaay before I started writing. Funny, entertaining, and the best story teller ever!


Curious: http://limited-means.blogspot.com/
The best picture-blogger I know. If his blogs don't speak to you the pictures will. Curious speaks to me in layers of life and experience.


GirlCaspar: http://bxholdthecheese.blogspot.com/
Forever to be known on my blog as "GirlCas". This blogger can get you right in the gut or have your mind circling around a thought for days. Smart, funny, introspective. Love her.


Nikki: http://iniquitous1.blogspot.com/
The most entertainingly descriptive blogger I read. She can take you with her wherever she has been, just as if you were in the room with her. Talented, very, very talented.


One Man: http://lookatthisnigger.blogspot.com/
Family, work and shenanigans. What else can I say.


ClnMike: http://thehappygoluckybachelor.blogspot.com/
Always clean, always entertaining. Currently writing his "deal breakers" list. Usually contains disturbing pictures and fantastic music to go along with his great blogging skills.


DorchestersDaughter: http://latenotsogreats20s.blogspot.com/
This blogger is sharp! DD shares her life, growth and thoughts in a very honest and real way.


Miss Mahogony: http://missmahogany.blogspot.com/
MM has a talent for writing. After you check out her main page, check out the adult-rated one too. Steamy!


FreeMan: http://freemanpress.wordpress.com/
FreeMan is so smart and so on top of all things thought-provoking. He also has a snazzy new blog-design.


DTW: http://dariustwilliams.blogspot.com/
Darius has big things poppin! His regular blog, his cooking blog, the bloggers book club blog, plus a new web cooking show. He's on FIRE! On top of all that, DTW is a regular visitor to many blogs. His entertaining style will keep you laughing for days.



Thanks again to UBJ for the nomination, to all my blogger fam for reading and to all of those I nominated for keeping the award moving.


If you have been named above, please visit the Helping Hand blog to read the rules for paying it forward.

Happy New Year - 2009

Hey blogger family - Happy New Year!

The one I love is in D.C. with a few of his best friends and I know better than to be out driving with all of the inexperienced drunk drivers (lol). I decided to be the cool mom and let my son have a New Years Party at our house. We had pizza, chips, oreos (they ate the WHOLE BAG), and lots of soda.

I did buy 2 bottles of champaign, but I don't really like champaign so it's still in the fridge unopened... lol. I talked on the phone with my best friend for a while, both of us were stifiling yawns, ready for bed and turning our ringers on silent so we didn't have to hear all the text messages coming through!

My other (male) best friend who is in Chicago sent me a text message at New Years my time even though it's technically not New Years for him yet. That's love! I don't think I'm staying up till 1 to return the favor (I'm on New York time, which we all know is the real New Years time!)

I have decided there are two things I want to learn in 2009. Ready? Here goes:

1. I want to learn how to shoot a gun and go to the shooting range at least 10 times.

2. I want to learn how to play the acoustic guitar.

I'm all for learning and trying new things, how about you? What do you want to learn in 2009?

*I have no idea who Trevor is or what his blog is about. I googled "happy new year" and I liked this image. Thanks Trevor.